* * * * As an unattractive man, I learned early in life that if I desired attention, I needed to develop skills to compensate for my inelegant face. Mind you, I am not repugnant by most standards, but the most notable thing about my features is their lack of any notable features: everything that a conventionally handsome man has, I possess as well … but not quite as much or too much. (So much detail lives in the “…” that I employed above.)
Around age ten I discovered that I could make my classmates laugh on purpose. That laughter sounded like the key, the lock, and the door itself. An earned laugh remains the one thing I want more than almost anything else in social exchanges. The other two things are: continuous unearned credit for wisdom, and instant (see: unearned) yet endless desire of me from members of the opposite sex. Because I am not a well-educated man (there goes wisdom), and I am not physically attractive (see above), I most often opt for the laugh as the quickest means by which to establish a connection with any other human being.
For some reason, women of my acquaintance tend to make the best audience for my expressions of humor. This is one of those facts of my life that I choose to leave unexamined, but most men of the species when they hear a joke or a retort from me will show approval with a comment. “That’s a good one, Mark,” is not laughter, not exactly, so I do not refuse praise, but most women who like one of my jocular ripostes will laugh, and many will then participate in the comedy, as well. I have had many moments of impromptu live improv with female friends, almost none of whom are comedians. Those moments have been some of the best that life offers. No dates have ensued, but … .
I finally found some friends and have been having a good time hanging out with them at my house when my mom’s not home. (We aren’t doing anything bad.) We listen to music and lift weights and just talk and stuff. But my mom has these two renters at the house and all of my friends and I are under 18. I’m concerned that they are only still staying at the house because they are attracted to my friends that are girls. I haven’t said anything yet, and maybe they’re attracted to my friends that are boys. Either way, I just don’t understand why anyone would want to live with a bunch of underage kids they aren’t related too. I would like, want a calmer space I could bring dates home too. What should I do?
Signed, Jailbait Jimmy
That sure seems weird. Ummm … I’m not sure what area you are from since your letter didn’t say, but I do think you are okay for wondering about the renters’ motives. Even though it’s pandemic times, if your family is comfortable having people over they should be comfortable enough to check around locally for diff living situation. Maybe, you can trap them: set up traps and tape their reactions to all your friends male and female and keep record of it to show police if necessary. You are so smart for noticing this Jimmy. Good luck!!!
Love, Pizza Alien
* * * * Dear Pizza Alien,
My damn socks get dirty on the bottom all the time and I hate it. I don’t want to have to wear socks and shoes but I just want to wear socks and keep them clean. I don’t want to put stuff over them like work slip paper booties cause that’s dumb I just want my socks to stay clean and not get hairs in the bottom or crumbs from muffins. I mean WTF I’m not gonna clean my damn floor all the time I have a life.
I lost a contest!! Well, technically I came in third, but not winning the cover of Maxim Magazine gave me an idea: Start my own MeghaZine! Losing something in life doesn’t ever mean “give up.” It’s an opportunity. A gift. I have always learned more, and grown more as a person, when things have not gone my way. Take this Coronavirus pandemic for example. Talk about losing things … life as we knew it has changed, and probably forever. But if you look for opportunities for growth in every situation, you will find them. Continue reading “A Letter from Meghan”→
* * * * Last week, this website broke news to itself that the video meeting platform Zoom was down for part of August 24, the very day that the website’s co-founder, Meghan Jenkins, would be hosting her new comedy improv show The The Ding Wrong Show on that very platform.
The live performance and recording of the show was postponed, and the delay was announced here by Mark Aldrich and the show’s co-host and spiritual center, Panda, at Meghan-Jenkins.com. This may have gone unnoticed by the vast majority of many people, but it was not unnoticed by “The News,” as seen in this award for Mr. Aldrich and Panda from “The News:” Continue reading “‘Congradulations!’”→
By Meghan Jenkins, Photo by Meghan Jenkins, products modeled are hers
* * * * My endorsements of all these things come straight from me. None of these brands have asked me—yet!—to write about their products, so everything I say here is something I say to my friends because I use or simply enjoy these products and brands. I have a good life partly because of what’s in the photo here, as well as some other products that I will be sharing with you in the future. Continue reading “A Few of My Favorite Things: Sept.”→