* * * *
[Editor’s Note: Meghan’s friend Panda, whom viewers of their live improv comedy show The The Ding Wrong Show (available on YouTube) now know quite well, declared at the start of this month that Halloween is her favorite human holiday. She likes to dress up three-hundred-sixty-five days a year, but she really does not get why the rest of us only do so on one special day a year. That’s one reason she and Meghan get along so well: neither of them understand why most humans don’t dress up and play all the time, since we wear costumes and pretend and call it “work” every day.
Atop this article—
“What’s that word?”
“It doesn’t look like a word. ‘Atop?'”
“It’s short for ‘at the top,’ because at the top of this article will be Meghan’s photo of you in one of your Halloween costumes for The The Ding Wrong Show.
“The one you’re wearing right now.”
She grabbed my phone and took a selfie, seen here:
“Oh, this pumpkin thing? I’m a PSL in it!”
We asked Panda if she would like to contribute a story to MeghaZine to appear in time for Halloween.
“Yes, do you have any scary stories, or ghost stories? Do pandas get scared,” we asked? “Are there panda ghosts?”
She asked me, “Do you need those glasses?”
“Just to read sometimes.”
She took the glasses off my face and said she needed a pen, “But not yours. A brand-new one.” And off she went in search of a brand-new pen.
I set to work on an article for MeghaZine and twenty-five seconds later, Panda returned. “I found a pen. It’s not a new one, but it wrote this story okay. The paper I used was new. New pens write new stories, but everyone knows that since you wear glasses.”
Here is Panda’s Halloween scary, spooky story. Her PandaWeen story—
“I like that!”
“What you just said. ‘PandaWeen.’ That sounds like a good holiday.”
As I started to say, here is Panda’s PandaWeen story for Halloween, transcribed by me. Any errors in transcription are mine.—Mark Aldrich, editor]
* * * *
A VERY SCARY HALLOWEEN STORY
Hi. My name is Panda, and one time, a long time ago, on this very same night in October, I had the scariest night of my life.
I was out one night at a Panda dance, I had a beautiful dress and a carnation corsage. We were all inside this hotel, just dancing the night away and eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
All of a sudden, this boy named Will—I thought his name was “Wheel” because I had never heard of the name “Will” before, and he had a picture of a giant tire on his t-shirt. So I thought Wheel—anyway, all of a sudden, Wheel puts his head back and he has jelly all over his face.
He has his hand on his nose and screams “I’m bleeding!!” That’s when I realized it wasn’t jelly, and that made me queasy. What was happening?
Someone rushed over with a towel to clean up the blood, and someone else started passing out black olives to try and distract from what was happening. I saw some pandas putting the olives on their pawtips and it looked so fun! I had never had olives before.
I put some on my fingers and was so excited. Then, I put an olive in my mouth and it was the GROSSEST THING EVER. Those pandas were idiots. Aren’t olives the scariest things? Whenever I see one, I think of bloody Wheel. Eeeesh.
That’s all. It was a scary day.
Happy Halloween, everybody!!!! Love, Panda.
Panda is Meghan Jenkins’ best friend. She appears on The The Ding Wrong Show (available on YouTube).
* * * *
Meghan Jenkins is an actor, comedian, radio personality, model, brand ambassador for Pineapple Clothing, and author of the forthcoming book, The Adventures of Pizza Alien.
A social media influencer, in the spring and summer of 2020 her photos of life in quarantine led to an invitation from Maxim magazine and then Maxim Australia to participate in a cover model contest for which readers could submit votes. Her grassroots campaign against professional models brought her to the top 1% of the models.
She is currently the host of the live comedy improv show The The Ding Wrong Show, recorded on Zoom and seen on YouTube:
She is a cast member of the upcoming The End of the World Podcast with Derek Erik:
In 2018-’19, she was one of the on-air personalities on The Ding Dong Show, recorded each week live with an audience at The World Famous Comedy Store in Hollywood, California.
* * * *
Mark Aldrich is a journalist, award-winning humor columnist, and writer/performer with the Magnificent Glass Pelican radio comedy improv group, now in its thirtieth season. His website is TheGadAboutTown.com.
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.