By Maggie, transcribed by Natassia Hudecova
Hi Mom and Dad!
Maggie here, again.
I hear “Halloween” is approaching.
I suppose this makes you glad.
I noticed the hanging paper bats annoyingly out of reach.
Every corner covered with those stupid plastic rats.
It’s ok, I’ll drag them all out to the street.
Why are you guys scared of ghosts?
I see them here every day.
They’re pretty annoying. Almost as bad as your so-called “scary” shows.
“Ghosts! get a job and go away!”
Speaking of movies: If I see Hocus Pocus one more time.
I swear I’ll puke all over your clothes.
Amateurs …
I especially don’t appreciate being stuffed into the same itchy cape every year,
I am NOT Wonder Woman. I’m a CAT! I would think that’s clear.
One more thing,
Before you send those little brats out for treats in their tacky costumes
Tell them to watch out for my good buddy, “Ming.”
He’s the black cat 2 doors down
He’s got a family; a pretty decent business, and he’s tired of being attacked because of the color of his fur
That’s racist!
That last part didn’t rhyme. As you know, I’m a cat. I don’t discriminate. I hate you all equally.
I see you dressed as a doctor and a nurse.
Does this mean you’re finally going back to work?
Just don’t forget to give me my treats or I’ll poo in your Coach purse.
Trick or treat?
More like “kiss my hairy butt and smell my dirty feet!”
Maggie-Out!
(Maggie’s typed thoughts were edited and formatted by Natassia Hudecova.)
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Natassia Hudecova is an office manager with a nonprofit located in Orange County, CA. She is a happily married cat mom with kids.
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Meghan Jenkins is an actor, comedian, radio personality, model, brand ambassador for Pineapple Clothing, and author of the forthcoming book, The Adventures of Pizza Alien.
A social media influencer, in the spring and summer of 2020 her photos of life in quarantine led to an invitation from Maxim magazine and then Maxim Australia to participate in a cover model contest for which readers could submit votes. Her grassroots campaign against professional models brought her to the top 1% of the models.
She is currently the host of the live comedy improv show The The Ding Wrong Show, recorded on Zoom and seen on YouTube:
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Follow Meghan Jenkins on Instagram!
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
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