Dear Pizza Alien,

I just got a new roommate and he is clean and everything, friendly guy, that’s not the issue. The problem is, he does sit-ups all the time and tries to make me watch. But they’re like weird sit-ups. He will hold his body in a V position, legs up, and he will be like, “Ugh! Yes! My core!” and “Time me, please.” And then I have to count how many seconds he can hold it. I don’t want to be doing this any more. He cooks great and keeps all the doors locked and has otherwise been the best roommate I’ve ever had. He seems sensitive though, and I’m not sure how to bring this up.

Thank you, Ryan F., California

Dear Ryan,

When he asks you to count for him, screw up the numbers on purpose. Instead of 1, 2, 3 … go 1, 6, 20, 7, 8 … and so on. If he hands you a Shark watch or some other kind of timer, just keep dropping it and say, “Ooops! Butterfingers!” or pretend you can’t read the screen. But definitely apologize and be nice as though you really want to help but to have you involved with counting probably isn’t the best idea. I think this should work. Good luck!!

Love, Pizza Alien

* * * *
Dear Pizza Alien,

This one commercial on TV makes me cry. It’s the one with the little girl and the old lady across the street writing signs to each other. The old lady is gone for a bit the little girl is sad, but then all is okay because the old lady is back. Okay. So during a work Zoom meeting, that commercial played as my team and I were waiting for a video to start, and I just lost it and began crying on the Zoom call with my officemates. They were very gracious and kind, but I am still so embarrassed. Should I ever bring this up again to them or just drop it and pretend it never happened? It’s really making me feel vulnerable.

Sensitively, Gabriel M., San Diego

Dear Gabriel,

Aw. I like this. Don’t be embarrassed! I think just let it go, but be confident about it! You sound like a great and compassionate human being, and if anyone has anything negative to say or tries to make you feel bad about it, just realize they they don’t “get it,” and their opinion of anything, much less of YOU, isn’t valid or correct. So have fun with it if you want, u can pretend-cry at the next video they play no matter what it is to ease your inside tension and show that you have a sense of humor about yourself. Everyone usually likes someone who has a sense of humor about themselves.

Love, Pizza Alien

Pizza Alien will appear in a book to be published in September December 2020, The Adventures of Pizza Alien, written with Meghan Jenkins, and is the star of a film by the same title, soon to be seen everywhere, which is written, directed, and produced by Ms. Jenkins.

Follow Meghan on Instagram!

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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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