By Panda
STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION
[Editor’s Note: Meghan’s friend Panda, whom viewers of their improv comedy show The The Ding Wrong Show (available on YouTube) met long ago and who introduced herself to readers of this website a while back, decided that for this month’s movie review, she would literally include you the reader in her film journey …

“What’s the reader’s name?”

“What’s that, Panda?”

“You said, ‘You, the reader,’ like it’s a person you know in person.”

“That was a turn-of-phrase, something writers use to make all of our readers feel like we are right there with them. This website has many readers.”

“Many?”

“Yes, and it always feels better for writers when we do not know all of them personally.”

“I’m going to call her Brenda.”

“What?”

“I like that name for our reader. ‘You, the reader Brenda, are included in our film journey.’ I don’t know about you, but that feels right, doesn’t it, Brenda?”

And so Panda left to grab the photos that will accompany this month’s review, which she and I hope will be enjoyed by Brenda and anyone else who is not that Brenda but is also named Brenda and also of course all the rest of our readers, Brendas and Brendas-not. As always, these are Panda’s thoughts as written by her, live as she thought them, and any errors in the transcription are mine.—Mark Aldrich, editor.]

* * * *
Ok, first off, the Kardashians are talked about yet I never even saw Khloe or any of them. So that was confusing. I really liked the space outfits tho’. Those would fit really well on my body.

I only caught the last few moments of this show tho’, so maybe Khloe WAS on and I just missed it. Okay, the rest of this report is on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine because apparently there’s a difference.

This episode starts off with a father and son having a conversation about women. “Listen I don’t have time now, but obviously I have a lot of damage control to do with you on this subject,” the father says to his boy. There’s a woman on the screen now. I think she’s the dad’s boss or something ’cause he just left when she said too. I’m guessing that she said to leave because he walked away after she said something but I was typing this and missed it.

They are going thru a tunnel now. Some guy who looks like Rob Schneider but isn’t him has some blue stickers on his head and a mullet. “Where are the games? We were told you had games. Take us to Quarks,” that’s what the blue sticker guy with the mullet said just now. I don’t know what Quarks is.

Now there are stars on the screen. Oh my god, they are so beautiful … WOAH! “STAR TREK DEEP SPACE NINE” just appeared on the screen. All that was just the intro. We got a long way to go here. There’s the ship. Badass. This is fun, it’s like I’m at the movies. I got the lights turned low and am lying on my bed. It’s a commercial now. Are you guys having fun? I am! Ok it’s back on!!


The episode is called “Move Along Home.” There is a party going on and a nice guy with a different kind of head is talking to people. And to blue stickers. “Have you figured out the essentials of the game yet,” the head said … Oh!!! He must be Quark. That makes sense. “Good things come in small packages,” Quark says.

The stickers guy is holding a stick and trying to seduce Quark into taking it. Quark is drinking something red given to him by a lady with stickers on her head, and now blue stickers just dumped out a bag of stones. There’s the dad from the beginning. He’s at the party. He’s talking to Quark. He just said, “Have a good evening,” and Quark goes, “What’s good about it?” They are replacing one of the … woah, wait. How many guys with different heads are there? Crap. Maybe there were different ones, and I thought they were all Quark. Dammit I am sorry. I have never seen this before, though so I don’t know.

Dad is back home talking to his son and trying to get him to go to bed. “You disreputable swindler!” one of the quarks says. (We are back at the party house, but the party is over.) Stickers is still there tho’, and I think there is some kind of problem between them. Now they are setting up another game. This one looks threatening, though. Like maybe someone is gonna die at the end if they lose. I have no idea tho’.

The dad is back on screen, but he’s alone on the floor and in a room alone! He’s scared and confused and the music just went ooooOOOOOOOO, so you know something is gonna go down soon. There’s a commercial on. ManlyBands.Com rings for men. Manly rings for men. They look neat. Oooh, shoooooot, there was a picture of a panda on the next commercial! Hells yes. Beautiful. Ok, the show is back on: shhhh everyone.

Daddy is trying to get out of the room with a remote and beeping at the different doors. It looks like inside of genie lamp kinda, but if the genie lamp had a lobby. Someone is screaming. Daddy found him. “Dr!” “Aghhhh! Oh thank god. I thought I was having a nightmare!” That’s the screaming doctor. There’s a lady with short hair talking loudly: “This is not what I signed up for!!” She seems agitated. Daddy and all of them just walked away, and daddy said, “If all else fails, just yell again doctor. We’ll find you.” Daddy’s son is back on screen talking to a man who’s not Daddy: “School is closed,” the son says. The man looks like he has a mask on, but it’s supposed to be his face. “Don’t call me constable, I’m chief of security,” he just said, so I guess that’s the chief of security.

Quark’s party back again and stickers is there handing one of the quarks stones and they are still playing games. The daddy group and lady are all in the genie lobby, and now there’s a creepy little girl singing some creepy song and dancing around the room. She has pink stickers on her head. She’s ignoring the adults that are trying to talk to her. Rude. Oh! Apparently she’s in some kind of force field. There are things on the floor … crap, I don’t know what’s going on but the song is still going on and distracting me. The little girl won’t shut the hell up. It’s almost over. I have to stop this. Ok, phew, thank god they all just shut up.

Yay they are all cheering about something yay yay ok, that was the end pretty much.

THE END.

10/10 Panda recommends.

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The Adventures of Pizza Alien, the brand-new book by Meghan Jenkins, is out now and is available through Lulu.com and the online book retailers Amazon and Barnes & Noble. The Adventures of Pizza Alien is available for $18.

Meghan Jenkins is an actor, comedian, radio personality, musician, model, brand ambassador for Pineapple Clothing, and author of the just-published book, The Adventures of Pizza Alien.

She is currently the host of the live comedy improv show The The Ding Wrong Show, recorded on Zoom and seen on YouTube:

Meghan released Panda’s Dance Party, her debut album, in December 2020. It is now available to purchase, download, and stream on every music platform: Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes Store, Amazon Music, deezer, Tidal, Pandora, Juno Download.

A social media influencer, in the spring of 2020 her photos of life in quarantine led to an invitation from Maxim magazine to participate in a cover model contest for which readers could submit votes. Her grassroots campaign against professional models brought her to a third-place finish.

In 2018-’19, she was one of the on-air personalities on The Ding Dong Show, recorded each week live with an audience at The World Famous Comedy Store in Hollywood, California.

From 2017 to 2018, she was the host of her self-titled podcast, The Meghan Jenkins Show, which is available on iHeart Radio, Apple Podcasts, and Soundcloud:

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Follow Meghan on Instagram!
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Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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