By Panda

[Editor’s Note: With Season One of the Mark Aldrich and Panda sketch comedy show underway, Panda noticed that she now has fans online who want to know more about her, so she has decided to write and publish a blog about her life here. By the way, if you have not started to watch, episodes one through six are available on YouTube, and each episode is about ten minutes long and hilarious, if I say so myself. And now, here’s Panda.—Mark]

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Panda’s Blog for MONDAY
People seem to care about what I’m doing! That’s exciting. I’m going to keep notes, and that way I can tell you what I do all day.

Monday, 9:50 a.m.: I’m watching TV. Criminal Minds. I’m also stretching at the same time. Right now I’m stretching my left leg. It feels good.

Monday, 9:54 a.m.: I’ve been sitting here writing to you. I’m having a good time. I enjoy writing and thinking and writing about what I think. I get to go to the grocery store too today. I want cheese but Meghan says “no cheese” and that’s because one of my dresses is tight and she can’t afford to have it altered so I have to just not eat cheese for a little bit and go in the workout room. It’s okay but I think about cheese all day.

Monday, 9:56 a.m.: On Criminal Minds there was a girl in a cupboard with a knife she was hiding but when door opened she didn’t stab the person, but that was good because it was her mom. Or just a lady who hugged her. But how did she know it was her mom?? It could’ve been anyone, and she didn’t even stab and she was very lucky that it was just the mom lady.

Monday, 9:58 a.m.: I’m going to go find some stuff to do to write about I’ll be back. Kisses!

Monday (still), 1:11 p.m.: I forgot I was doing this. I played in the garden and pulled up a bunch of carrots but a lot more carrots are still in the ground because I accidentally just pulled the tops off and now I don’t know how to get them out. Maybe they will grow into giants.

Carrots and radish from Meghan’s garden. Photo by Meghan Jenkins.

Monday, 1:13 p.m.: I still haven’t gone to the store yet and I have to take a bath now because I got dirt all over me. I just found out they have an entire part of the store you can eat there and I can’t wait. Meghan is making me eat soup before we go and before my bath. It’s pretty good!

Monday, 1:45 p.m.: I just got in the bath and I got to bring my soup. I was making a fuss I didn’t want to have to take a bath, and I cried a little bit, and Meghan let me take the soup with me and now she’s reading me a story from Goldie Hawn, “A Lotus Grows in the Mud.”

Monday, 2:22 p.m.: I put on my tights, my socks, and my bunny shoes but I’m still wet on the top part because I don’t wanna do blow dryer. I’ve been sitting on the floor looking at my tights and my bunny shoes. I don’t want to have to get blow dried though, I just want to already be there.

Monday, 2:39 p.m.: I am dry now and I have a bow on, and I look good except I still don’t have a top. It’s right next to me but I don’t want to put it on yet. I have been walking around the bathroom repeating things the neighbors are saying. I can hear them because the windows are open and they talk loud. Meghan just told me to stop and said, “Panda put your shirt on and let’s go before it gets busy.” I will be back, XoXo, LOVE, Panda

Panda’s new panda bracelet. Photo by Meghan Jenkins. (Click for full size.)
Monday. 4:39 p.m.: It’s raining! I had a great time at the grocery store and when Meghan and I walked outside it was all wet. My butt got wet on the ride home but I didn’t mind at all, this has been a great day! I found a Panda bracelet at the store and I got to get that and the bakery smelled so good I just stood over there for a little bit and sniffed and smelled things. Then I allllllmost got cheese, but then Meghan saw me and I had to put it back. There were all kinds of nice people in the store and we got food and feet masks that we are gonna try out. The rain knocked out the cable, so now there is no Instagram no Facebook and no cable today. I don’t know when the other stuff stopped working, but I can’t send memes and it’s frustrating. I’m not that frustrated though because I have a lot of fun things to do and I have to do a workout anyway so there’s no time for memes. I love this new bracelet. I wasn’t allowed to eat any of the hot food because I have some dietary restrictions, but I got to get gummy vitamins and they are cute too.
Photo by Meghan Jenkins

Monday, 4:37 p.m.: The TV is working again. I like watching the public access channel, it’s like when you go to a hotel and they tell you all about the hotel on that one channel except it’s about the city you’re in. Hang on, I think it’s hailing!!!

Monday, 4:40 p.m.: It’s not hail, it’s just loud rain. That’s ok. I’m laying down now instead of exercising, but I’m having a good time reminiscing on my time at the grocery store and looking at my new bracelet. I just got a DM alert!! Instagram is working again. I bet it’s Mark. It’s Mark. I bet he’s gonna be happy I started a blog. I wonder if he has tried the feet masks. I’m going to ask him. Meghan just brought the feet masks out, we are putting them on now and gonna watch a movie I think.

Feet masks. (Feet not included.) Photo by Meghan Jenkins

Monday, 5:31 p.m.: Meghan and I are wearing feety masks still and watching Matilda. She just told me I am scheduled to film my show tomorrow at 6:30 p.m. I like doing that. I get to see my friend Mark, and I also get to pick out what I want to wear. Not all shows let you do that. Meghan is nice. She usually gives me a script to memorize, but she didn’t this time. I have no idea what tomorrow’s show is going to be about but I’ll probably nail it. I always nail it. “Hashtag NAILED IT!!” Xoxo, Panda

Monday, 5:37 p.m.: I want a flying doll. I’m going to put it on my Christmas list.

Monday, 7:00 p.m.: It’s almost my bedtime. We took our feety masks off a long time ago, and Meghan told me to go get socks for both of us. I went into her bedroom and I got distracted by these rolls we got at the grocery store. I was excited to try them they are not real bread. So I put them in the toaster oven and then they caught on fire. I waited till the flames went away and then tried one. It was awful. So I threw the bag of bread rolls away. Then I found this other bread that I like that we got and I put slices of it in the toaster oven and they didn’t catch on fire. I put butter on them and ate them and made coffee, and then Meghan came in and said, “Hey, where are the socks?” And I said, “Oops sorry I forgot,” because I did forget. I had already put my own socks on and then I saw the bread and I was hungry. Meghan has socks now too and she is telling me don’t drink coffee before bed but it tastes good and I put honey in it so I’m drinking it and wearing socks and this has been such a fun day.

Xoxo, Panda

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It’s TUESDAY’s Panda’s Blog
Tuesday, 8:31 a.m.: I am awake.

Tuesday, 9:40 a.m.: Meghan just told me we have to go to CVS today. I like it there. One time, we were waiting in a long line and I didn’t want to wait anymore, so I yelled, “I’M GOING TO PULL THE FIRE ALARM!!” and then we left and got frozen yogurt. And then another time Meghan and I were at the register and the girl behind the counter thought she heard the phone ring so she picked it up and said, “Hello!” but then she realized it didn’t ring at all, and we laughed together, and it was so funny, and I don’t know her name but I like her so much. There’s also a very tall girl there who I try not to stare at because Meghan says I stare too much at people but I don’t know how to stop. She’s like two or three people tall. I try to imagine what things look like to her and if she thinks about taking her long arms and “SLAP! Slap!” just slapping all of us around like little flies, and then STOMP “Goodbye, eyeglasses section!” and KICK! “Shut up, photo guy! You run your stupid little mouth all damn day you tiny son little of a bitch SHUT UPPP!!” And then she kicks him into the wall hard, and the wall cracks and starts cracking up to the ceiling and then “AGGGHHHHH OMG THE BUILDING IS COLLAPSING!!” And everyone grabs free stuff before running out of the CVS to the parking lot.

Tuesday, 10:16 a.m.: Meghan just told me we are only going to do drive-thru at the CVS and not go inside. But it’s in a center with a lot of other shops. Maybe I’ll get to go inside one of those. I’m going to go pick out a good outfit! Xoxo, Panda

Tuesday, 1:13 p.m.: I farted at Ulta. Meghan was looking at the perfumes, and I thought, “Ok, now is the best time,” because I had been holding it in ever since we walked in the door. It was so loud and long though. Everyone heard. I cried. I was embarrassed, so I scooted my shoe on the floor to make a noise and I knocked over some stuff to make it all louder and not sounding like a fart anymore then I fell onto the ground and started crying harder and pretended like I was hurt and Meghan just STOOD there and said “Panda!” and then all these nice make-up ladies came running over to me saying, “Oh sweetie” and rubbing my back, and one of them gave me a glass of water and wiped my tears and then I said I was ok, and they gave me a free tissue and a makeup brush to play with. I want to go back again tomorrow.

Tuesday, 1:15 p.m.: I am filming my show tonight with Mark I just remembered I have to start getting ready. I’ll be back!! Sorry I’m not keeping a good schedule of everything that happening today. I forgot to tell you that I ate my gummy vitamins this morning that I got yesterday, and I drank a spinach and water thing that Meghan made me drink so my clothes fit better again. It was ok. The top was foamy.

Tonight’s outfit. Photo by Meghan Jenkins.
Cookies cooling on the floor. (Click for full size.) Photo by Meghan Jenkins.
Tuesday, 1:48 p.m.: I have picked out my outfit for filming. It’s got fruit on it! I just made cookies in my little oven while watching a celebrity gossip show. The cookies are cooling right now on the floor:

Tuesday, 4:37 p.m.: I’ve been in the bath for three hours. I’m singing Lady Gaga. I have grapes and mango juice and water and kombucha.

Tuesday, 5:22 p.m.: I just got out of the bath, I have to get dressed now for the show but I have to take my headphones off to do it and I don’t wanna. I’m sitting on the ground right now, and I took a picture of my feet they are so wrinkly from the bath right now I like how it feels and I imagine tiny little villagers walking all over the wrinkles. If I get up I’m going to squish them and that makes me not want to stand up. I’m going to get my clothes on while I’m on my knees so that I don’t hurt anybody.

Panda’s wrinkly feet. Photo by Panda.

Tuesday, 5:57 p.m.: I am on the toilet. Meghan said I can fart in here all I want and that I don’t have to cry about it.

7:05 p.m. on Tuesday: Mark and I just finished filming the show, and it was about my blog!! That’s cool. I had a good time, and now I have to put jammies on. I get to have one cookie Meghan said. Goodnight!!

Cookies. (Photo by Meghan Jenkins)

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Panda’s Blog, WEDNESDAY
Wednesday, 7:08 a.m.: I am awake. The car across the street woke me up. I forget if I’m supposed to do anything today or not. I think I slept good last night.

Wednesday, 7:12 a.m.: I picked up a pen that was on the floor and put it on one of the tables.

Wednesday, 7:37 a.m.: I got back into bed and I turned the TV on. Mom is on. Meghan likes this show. She laughs a lot when she sees it. I don’t get all of the jokes, but I’m not an alcoholic.


Wednesday, 7:44 a.m.: I just took pictures of my bracelets and posted them on my blog. The TV is on still. I’m starting to think about what I’m going to wear today but it depends what I’m going to do. Like maybe I have to do something where I’m gonna get dirty or have to run. It’s always good to have clothes that you can move in. Even if you’re going to a fancy ball. Xoxo, Panda

Wednesday, 9:02 a.m.: I like to pet myself like you run your fingers over your legs and arms while you’re laying down and it feel amaaaaaaaazing. I’m still in bed. I got up a couple times and walked around. I put water in all of the dog bowls that I saw and now I got my gummy vitamins and I’m savoring them one by one seeing how long I can make it last. I went to church one time and I kept the food they gave out in my mouth the whole rest of the time. It just dissolved and I could taste it all the way to the end. I want more of those. I get to eat eight gummies I just had two of the multivitamin ones that I like the taste of the least first because I wanted to get those out of the way and look forward to the rest of the gummies that are so good. Panda Glow Up 2022! Talk soon, xoxo, Panda

P.S.: This is the flavor ranking of gummy vitamins from worst tasting to BEST tasting:

My gummies. Photo by Meghan Jenkins.

Wednesday, 12:52 p.m.: I just woke up from a nap. I am in bed laying on my back. Gonna go walk around the house a little bit.

Wednesday, 1:41 p.m.: I just talked to Mark and Meghan we had a meeting about a show promo. They let me be in charge and I don’t even have to do anything! Making promos is easy. They said I haven’t been promoting enough, so I’m going to have to post more and also do more interesting things to get people to watch. This is the first promo I did:

I found mango juice in the fridge and that was interesting to me because why don’t mini fridges have lights. They need lights. All of the refrigerators need lights. It doesn’t take up any space a light is smaller than an egg.

Wednesday, 1:48 p.m.: My birthday is in 177 days. Mark’s birthday is coming up next month. I am going to make him a present. Or buy him a present. Maybe I’ll make him a present that he can buy and then be gifted with extra fun. I love the cash registers at stores. The buttons and the money. “That’s 18.73 please!” And then you hand them the paper and you get a bag. Then you get in the car and go home and play with the stuff in the bag.

Wednesday, 1:50 p.m.: Meghan just told me that the mango juice was hers. Whoops. I’ll make her a present too that she can buy.

Wednesday, 1:52 p.m.: I’m laying in bed on my belly. Meghan put a body mask on me it’s from a blue container. It smells like cake but I’m not allowed to lick it.

Wednesday, 2:38 p.m.: I still have a body mask on, but I’m walking around now and I made a snack platter. The hummus lid got lost yesterday so the top of the hummus is dried but it still tastes ok and it’s fine. I am saving the seeds from the pepper to put in the ground outside.

Wednesday, 4:21 p.m.: YAY!!! We are having a party! Mark is on the radio, and all of us are going to listen together! Meghan took this pic:

Me with AldraMark and the hummus. We’re listening to Mark on The Magnificent Glass Pelican. Photo by Meghan Jenkins.

MARK IS ON RIGHT NOW!! This show is good I like it. Magnificent Glass Pelican. Magnificent Glass Pelican and Panda. Aldramark’s tag is showing in the photo, haha!

Wednesday, 6:20 p.m.: I took a bath after our party and then I went outside and mowed the lawn and watered. I had to change my socks because they got wet. I’m not upset.

Wednesday, 6:24 p.m.: I am making a gluten-free burrito on the George Foreman grill. It smells like it’s almost done.

Wednesday, 7:09 p.m.: Meghan and Mark are trying to figure out something with email. I am eating a burrito and watching a movie I think it’s about dinosaurs. I had three burritos. One just plain bean, and the other two had cheese inside.

Wednesday, 7:33 p.m.: Meghan says after Jurassic Park is over I have to get on the elliptical because I was only supposed to have one burrito. I don’t know how long is left in the movie. I hope it’s awhile.

Wednesday, 8:19 p.m.: I convinced Meghan to let me work out in the morning because I’m sleepy and still full from the burritos. She said, “Ok,” and now I’m going to say goodnight Wednesday and I will talk to you again more tomorrow. Xoxox, love, Panda

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Panda’s THURSDAY Blog
It’s Thursday at 11:31 a.m. and I am awake. I woke up a little earlier tho, at like 11:21 a.m. I just put hot water into the bathtub where there was cold water left over, so now there’s a nice temperature mix and I put the jets on. I like that it makes nooooise, and then I can’t hear stuff going on outside so I can think.

Thursday, 12:52 p.m.: I just got out of the bath. I got blow dried and body lotion put on. I have a bottle of water and my gummy vitamins. It’s cloudy. I have on a long sleeve NotPanda! t-shirt available at Bonfire.com by Meghan Jenkins. There are also other things available. Hey Mark, is this a promo? Meghan just told me you are putting my blog on the internet so I thought I would do a promo in it ’cause you like those. Hi Mark! Hi everyone!!!! I’m not sure what else I’m going to do today but I’ll keep you updated. Xoxo, hugs and kisses, Panda

Thursday 2:24pm: I just got a spinach smoothie with grapes. I haven’t worked out yet, but I put on the little sockies. I’m sitting on the floor. The rug is orange. I like it. I like the smoothie except it has chunks in it, and I’m pulling leaf chunks out of my mouth. I’m putting them on the rug.

Thursday, 2:28 p.m.: I scratched my leg too hard, and I can’t stop looking at it. It’s red where I scratched. I also found a button on the holder of the spinach drink that makes it blend more so I don’t have to pull chunks out of my mouth anymore. I felt excited. It’s good now. And it makes me feel like I’m a scientist. I’m going to add microscope to my Christmas list. I could see so many things, and that’s one of my favorite things to do. See things and learn things. Microscope! Mark can you add that to my Christmas list please? Are you going to put this one on the internet too? Maybe everyone who reads this will get me presents. That would be so neat.

P.S.: This is my spinach smoothie:

Thursday, 3:33 p.m.: I just helped put up Halloween decorations! Here are pictures:

Thursday, 3:37 p.m.: I’m going to take a nap.

Thursday, 5:12 p.m.: I just woke up from my nap.

Thursday, 6:13 p.m.: I am doing laundry and drinking a protein drink. It’s hot. The laundry I’m doing is just towels, because I used all of them during my bath and Meghan said, “Panda! All the towels are all wet!” So I gave her a roll of paper towels to use and said, “It’s ok, I’m going to do laundry,” and then she said, “Ok.”

Thursday, 6:17 p.m.: I really like these strawberry crocs I have on. You can wear the strap in the back, but it’s cooler if you don’t, even if your feet slip out. I don’t wear them outside of the house tho’, so it doesn’t matter. They’re my backyard shoes.

I have to go to bed in like, forty minutes. Meghan is going to have to finish the towels. She likes it tho’, so it’s fine. Aldramark and I want to get matching jammies. That’s Christmas gift number three: matching jammies for me and Aldramark. But not Christmas themed, because we want to wear them all year round. And I want to see choices. If I don’t write more it’s because I went to bed and didn’t do anything else to write about today. I love you! Goodnight. Hugs and Kisses, love, Panda

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Panda’s B̶L̶O̶G̶ DIARY FRIDAY
Hello Friday! 10:28 a.m. good morning! I am awake. It rained again last night, and I got up to watch it. It was cold but fun. I have a bottle of water. Also I changed the name of “Panda’s Blog” to “Panda’s Diary” because it is a little bit daintier. (I hope Mark changed it in the headline thing.) And I’m adding fancy lace handkerchief to my Christmas list. With a P on it. Light blue and white and lace with just a little bit of pink and yellow like on a rose or flowers around the P.

I just took my gummy vitamins and now it’s 10:46 a.m. on Friday. I am not sure what else I have to do today but I will keep you updated, my “Diary.” Xoxo, Love, Panda

Friday, 11:49 a.m.: Note to self:
( 1 23 8 2 A W H B / 4 1 20 D A T) <—this is cool!!

Friday, 12:57 p.m.: I worked out.

Friday, 4:28 p.m.: I just woke up from a nap. I’m not sure what time I fell asleep but I think it was a long time ago. I still feel like I’m asleep a little bit. I don’t have to do anything tonight though unless I want too. Nothing is planned. I maybe am going to take photos or workout or just go back to sleep. I think I was going to write about something earlier but I can’t remember what it was.

Friday, 5:57 p.m.: I just made my dinner, the last burrito and I put eggs and tomatoes on it. I haven’t tried it yet but it looks ok. No photos today. I don’t know why, I just wasn’t in the mood. I wanted to sleep all day but Meghan made me get out of bed and do this because I had committed to it and said that I would. My only regret is that I don’t have another burrito. I’m not hungry anymore or anything, I just want another burrito. I like eating.

Friday, 6:19 p.m.: I found out what I’m going to be doing the rest of the night, so I’m going to write it out now. Meghan said I have to go to the workout room, take a bath, and she’s going to read me a story and then it’s bedtime. I asked if she was sure there were no more burritos and she said yes. I promise I will have a better blog tomorrow I don’t know why I was just sleepy today.

Xoxoxo, I love you!! Love from Panda

____________________________________________
Meghan Jenkins is an actor, comedian, radio personality, artist, author, musician, model.

Meghan is a brand ambassador for Pineapple Clothing. Use the code “MegJen” for a 20% discount!

Meghan’s brand new internet comedy show, “Mark Aldrich and Panda,” debuted in August 2021:

The Adventures of Pizza Alien, a novel of interlocking short stories by Meghan Jenkins, is out now and is available through Lulu.com and the online book retailers Amazon and Barnes & Noble. The Adventures of Pizza Alien is available for $18.

Panda’s Dance Party, Meghan’s first music album, was released in December 2020. It is available to purchase, download, and stream on every music platform: Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes Store, Amazon Music, deezer, Tidal, Pandora, Juno Download.

Panda’s Dance Party, Vol. 2 is available from these fine music services: Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes Store, Amazon Music, deezer, Tidal, Pandora, Juno Download.

A social media influencer, in the spring of 2020 her photos of life in quarantine led to an invitation from Maxim magazine to participate in a cover model contest for which readers could submit votes. Her grassroots campaign against professional models brought her to a third-place finish.

Meghan is the founder and host of the live comedy improv show The The Ding Wrong Show, recorded on Zoom and seen on YouTube:

In 2018-’19, she was one of the feature performers in the longest running improv comedy show at The World Famous Comedy Store in Hollywood, California, The Ding Dong Show.

From 2017 to 2018, she was the host of her self-titled podcast, The Meghan Jenkins Show, which is available on iHeart Radio, Apple Podcasts, and Soundcloud:

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Follow Meghan on Instagram!

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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