[Editor’s Note: With Season One of the Mark Aldrich and Panda sketch comedy show underway, Panda noticed that she now has fans online who want to know more about her, so she has decided to write and publish a blog about her life. By the way, if you have not started to watch, episodes one through six of Mark Aldrich and Panda are available on YouTube, and each episode is about ten minutes long and hilarious, if I say so myself. And now, here’s Panda with week two of Panda’s Blog.—Mark]
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Panda’s Blog for MONDAY
Monday October Something 2021, 9:33 a.m.: Meghan and I are painting. Pumpkins today. Or they are big squash. We don’t know, but they’re being painted and I’ll post pictures when we are done but here’s a teaser of one that is drying. I’m scared to post it tho’, because what if it turns out ugly. Oh well, I don’t care. Remember that it’s not done yet tho!!!:
Mark, did the picture go thru? Can you see the nail in its head? That’s my favorite part so far. I hammered it in with a rock, and I’m going to put blood around it like it’s a real nail. I don’t know how I’m going to do the nose yet. I have various ideas for a mouth, but I don’t know if any of them are good. That’s ok though because I’m having so much fun. I’m trying to think of what else I have to do today. I’ll let you know though. Xoxo Panda
Monday, 12:12 p.m.: It’s me again. (Panda.) Hello! How are you? I am good. I have painted four pumpkins that are drying. I’m not finished tho’ still. One is going to be an Easter egg, one of them is a zombie, and the other two are painted white. One is going to be something and then the other one is going to be a promo pumpkin for Mark because Mark likes promos. I’ll send pictures when I can move them. They aren’t heavy, just wet. Also I helped put up lights. I didn’t get on the ladder because I was scared, but I stood right there and said, “Yay! That looks good!”
Monday, 12:20 p.m.: The pumpkins are still wet I just checked. I’m thinking about how I’m going to draw Marks face. I’m not that good at faces. Or hands. I’m really good at drawing Pandas. And palm trees. I wonder if there are palm trees where Mark lives. I also wonder why the pumpkin paint isn’t drying faster. It smells. I think I am going to paint Mark on the beach tho’. Next to palm trees. I grew these pumpkins all by myself in the yard … I sent photos to Mark in email. Mark post those cause it’s neat that I grew these and decorated them it’s exciting I can do everything.
Monday, 1:22 p.m.: The Beach Mark pumpkin is turning into a monster because I can’t draw Mark right. Mark needs to be drawn perfectly, or he’s going to hate it. [Editor’s note: I won’t hate it.] I think the monster can still promote the show tho’, so I will ask him. I don’t even know his name yet. It might be too late to ask. Maybe I can ask him to do the promo without saying his name. “Hey Handsome!” Yeah. That’ll work. Promo Pumpkin back on! Paint is drying again. I’m laying on my belly on the floor. I’ll talk to you in a bit, I’m just relaxing now nothing interesting happening.
Monday 1:40 p.m.: Meghan told me to get in the bath because we are going for a drive. I don’t know where we are going, but I like using the seatbelt. There isn’t a roof, either. It feels good on my face. Maybe we are going to go to a party! I’m going to put on something nice. And tights. And I’ll bring a flower.
Monday, 3:49 p.m.: We went to the gas station. Some stranger came up to me and said, “You have really nice forearms. Do you want to come to my van?” And I said, “Thank you!” and told her I couldn’t because I was just supposed to just go inside and pay and come right back to the jeep.
Monday, 3:52 p.m.: Mark’s pumpkin got out of control. I had to make it look like it’s wearing a costume. Made out of sprinkles. Here is Sprinkle Ninja Mark:
It looks better huh. I can’t eat it tho’.
Monday 3:55pm: My pumpkins are drying again. I’m going to go take a nap.
Monday, 5:32 p.m.: I didn’t take a nap. I forgot what I did tho’ instead. I am excited to see the lights go on tonight, and I found out there is a kombucha factory close by, and I get to go on a tour there tomorrow. And maybe I’ll get to work there. I am going to add some more ribbons and stuff to the pumpkins when they are totally dry and I’ll take pictures of them.
Monday 6:34 p.m.: I only got a little bit of paint on me and I cleaned up everything. I made sure to clean as I go so that I didn’t make a huge mess and then sit around and go, “Oh no” for weeks because the mess is just too big to handle. No. I cleaned up as I went, and everything is sparkling again and it only smells like paint a little bit. Look at Corn on the Mark! Isn’t that cute. Less scary than the monster and better than Sprinkles Ninja. I’m going to take a bath and put on my jammies. Goodnight, Diary! Xoxoxox, Love, Panda.
P.S. this was a great day.
TUESDAY’s Blog by Panda
I just found out I painted spaghetti squash and not pumpkins yesterday. Meghan’s dad was at the grocery store, and I had showed off my pumpkins everywhere, and he said, “I don’t think those are pumpkins,” and I said, “Oh yes they are.” And now I just got this photo and he typed: “Spaghetti Squash!”
Tuesday, 8:55 a.m.: I’m going to stretch and then get on the elliptical but I wish I had neon colored leg warmers. And ballet shoes.
Tuesday, 10:02 a.m.: I was just inspired to write a poem and I sent it in an email to Mark. [Editor’s note: She did. It will be published here this coming week.]
Tuesday, 11:34am: I just finished a book. There were only four pages left, and I don’t know what happened before because it’s not my book. It’s Meghan’s, but I read the last four pages. It’s finished! #nailedit #reader #blogging
Tuesday, 11:42 a.m.: Chucky movie is on TV. He’s cute! I bet he’d like me. We could go play baseball together and pet cats. I am eating my gummy vitamins right now. I love them. I get excited everyday to take them and I can’t wait to take them again the next day everyday. The ones I didn’t like the taste of before I like now and I might be rearranging the taste flavor scale later, but we will see. I have to be sure.
I got these delicious cotton candy mints with the cutest beaver on the tin. I wonder if he’s on Instagram and we can DM and then fall in love and make cotton candy dreams come true across all of the lands.
Tuesday, 12:00 p.m.: I’ve decided for sure on the new flavor ranking for the gummy vitamins. Here it is:
Tuesday, 2:00 p.m.: I have to get dressed to take some photos today. I keep writing sentences and deleting them because maybe I’m doing something that is interesting to me but it’s not interesting really or what if I’m doing something I think is dumb and boring but it’s actually really interesting. I don’t know what to say right now. But I don’t want to get up to get dressed yet. My feet are cold, and they aren’t peeling yet the pack’s label says they start peeling, but then I was also putting moisturizer on my feet and I read online after (days later) that you’re not supposed to do that. I might have messed it up, and it’s been really bothering me.
Tuesday, 2:25 p.m.: I got a snack pouch.
It’s a drink. I still didn’t want to get dressed and my feet are still cold so Meghan said here’s a snack pack and socks.
Tuesday, 2:45 p.m.: I’m in the bath and I’m singing a song! The socks didn’t work, and then I got sad and I was cold and didn’t want to go to do photos and don’t want to go to the Kim buy factory today and I got a choice to take a bath and a nap and I can do pictures when I wake up. So I’m feeling better. I get to wear a Halloween costume tonight. I think it was all just too much for me and I got overwhelmed. I’ll write again later! I’m going to go dry off and get in bed. Xoxo, Panda
Tuesday, 4:51 p.m.: I just woke up from my nap, but I don’t want to be awake. I was woken up by woofing, Meghan’s dog wanted chicken. I had set an alarm for earlier but I guess I shut that off too. I might take photos tomorrow instead but Meghan is trying to keep me up right now so we will see. Xoxox, Panda.
Panda’s Blog for WEDNESDAY
Wednesday, 8:31 a.m.: I woke up and made eggs. I’m going to get my picture taken today, and I think do something else. Aldramark wants to be in Halloween pictures, too, so they have an outfit ready. I slept really good last night.
Wednesday, 12:06 p.m.: Bath = Check! Blow dry = Check! Gummy vitamins = Check! I’ve been very productive so far. I still have to take the Halloween pictures today, and I will but I’m going to do some other things first. I have to stretch and pick out an outfit, and then I think food is being delivered. P.S.: I changed the flavor ranking order of the gummy vitamins again. This is the new guide:
Wednesday, 1:26 p.m.: I don’t want cheese as much as I did before. I think I might be addicted to it. But I’m thinking about it less and I just put on socks. I planted lilac seeds in the yard and watered and then came up here to put socks on and blog. I’m going to go for a ride in a little bit and I got a tiny microphone.
I don’t know how to use it though because the plug thing doesn’t fit. I don’t have any circle holes on my phone just the charger hole. I’ll just pin this on my shirt. I still haven’t taken my pictures yet that I’m supposed to do but they’re coming. I have to get in the mood. I like to dance and have fun when I do it.
Wednesday, 3:37 p.m.: It feels like it should be Friday. I don’t usually keep track of the days and it feels like days never end sometimes. Like I was already talking about Wednesday earlier and it’s STILL WEDNESDAY. I just made a new friend: I was in a store and someone came up and said, “I like your outfit,” and I said, “Are you making fun of me,” and they said no, and now we follow each other on Instagram. I gave him $6. I’m going to drink a juice pouch and then start dance party so I can get in the mood for photos. 🎉 Xoxo, Panda
Wednesday still, 5:28 p.m.: I just took my pictures!
Here I am. This is last year’s costume I love it. It was a little dusty but it still fits.
I am kind of in the mood to get into jammies and watch a movie 🍿 I don’t know what’s on, I don’t have Netflix or Hulu I just have regular TV. Goodnight! Love, Panda.
It’s THURSDAY by Panda
Thursday, 11:47 a.m.: This week is taking foooorrerever. I’m waiting for Monday and Tuesday now. Mark and I are filming some new episodes because the promos are working.
I had my red Panda beanie hat on outside and someone said, “Are you selling that?” and I said, “The hat?” and he said, “No, the jeep,” and I said, “We sell the hat!” and then he said, “Where?!” and I said, “On Bonfire dot com look under Meghan Jenkins.” And he gave me a thumbs up and then the light turned green and we all drove away. Meghan told me I should’ve just thrown the hat into his car but my ears were cold I didn’t want to give it away. I know myself well, and I would’ve gotten grumpy if I got colder so I explained this and she said, “That makes sense.” So now I carry around a bag with presents in it just in case anyone talks to me. I have all kinds of things in it: a Gigi Hadid Barbie, a phone UV sanitizer, foot thing, plastic bags, Christmas ornaments from 2020 … all kinds of good things.
I started my blog late today because I felt like it. It’s ok. It’s not a big deal. I was thinking it’d be a big deal but it’s not. I haven’t taken my bath yet. But I did brush my teeth and eat my gummy vitamins after.
Thursday, 6:34 p.m.: I took a nap and just woke up. I still haven’t taken a bath today. It’s not important tho’, I am not going anywhere. I needed a sleep day. I am going to take my bath tonight and have dinner and maybe have a book read to me and get in jammies. I have to go on the elliptical tho’, but Meghan said ” can stay up late since I slept all day. Maybe this blog will cover some night time activities .
Panda’s Blog: AFTER DARK 🐼🎉
Thursday, 7:39 p.m.: I just put food in the oven to heat it up so I have something to eat. I have the bath on and the jets are going and I’ve found some more bracelets to put on. I got a message from my friend I met yesterday! It said, “Hi🐼!”
Thursday, 9:26 p.m.: I went in the workout room and now I’m eating. Right now on my fork is beans. I have fruit and vegetables too and also a bottle of water. I’m watching Everybody Loves Raymond. There was a murder show on before. I like those mystery shows but they were talking about some man who kept a body frozen for three years and it was making my food taste awful. But the episode of Raymond is one where Robert’s date eats a fly and so now I don’t know what to watch. Every time I turn the channel someone is doing something disgusting.
Thursday, 9:33 p.m.: Did you know that “beautiful” in Italian is “stupenda?” It doesn’t mean stupid. I saw someone call their baby “Potata Stupenda,” and I thought they were saying that baby was stupid. But it was a compliment. I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t want to call anyone stupenda, they will probably punch me.
Thursday, 10:22 p.m.: I just found out the real reason I’m allowed to stay up all night is the Adele album is coming out. Meghan is in the bathroom singing, “Eeeeaaaaasy on me, baaaaby!” For an hour now, that song. It’s good, I like it. I think we are having an Adele party tonight, so I’m going to go get dressed up and I’ll get to wear one of my new socks I got. I’ll send pictures
Friday, 1:13 a.m.: I am still awake, but we have to be quiet so there isn’t a party yet but during the day we can turn the music loud so we are going to go to do laundry. Towels first, they go they two times, once to make sure the machine gets clean, too, and then the second time to really clean the towels in fresh clean machine—no residue—and then the rest of the stuff goes in after just one wash each like normal. Bedding would be next and then clothes so the clothes are for sure sparkly clean. I’m excited to wear my new socks. I don’t have them on yet but I’ll take pictures when I do. Also I got more gummy vitamins, one is fiber and other one is immunity and I don’t like the texture of these as much as the other ones but they taste fine they just get stuck to my teeth the other ones are like snacks these new ones are like, “When am I done chewing?”
Friday, 1:20 a.m.: There’s a beam on the ceiling and I’m worried it’s going to fall on me. It’s part of the house, but the house is old, and the people next door dug into the ground for a pool and now there’s cracks on the sidewalk around this house here, and I’m scared I’m going to fall into the garage and the beam is going to crush my head. I have apples and oranges on the bath ledge ready to go, and I’m going to relax while the laundry is going. I’m kinda sleepy tho’, I don’t know if I’ll be able to stay up to help do the laundry.
Friday, 3:09 a.m.: Ghosts come out at 3:00 a.m. I mean, they are always here but then you can see them easier. Maybe I’ll see one. But I told them, “Don’t show me cause I’ll get scared.” I have all the lights on. I like it when they just think their thoughts to me like wi-fi. Maybe they’ll tell me what to write in my blog. It’s exciting being awake now. I put soup in the heater so it will be ready to eat when I wake up and am hungry later. I sent emojis to my new friend, and I think I scared them away. It was the heart with the sparkles on it. 💖<—I just love that one. They wrote, “What does that mean?” and I said, “I don’t know, I just like emojis don’t be scared,” and then they stopped talking to me.
Friday, 3:50 a.m.: I cleaned the bathroom. Sinks and everything. I put a shower cap on because I like them. I took the trash out and put a new bag in the trash can. The bags are scented like vanilla, so I sniff them before I put them in. The laundry is ready to go in the dryer now, but I’m scared to go downstairs: it’s still ghost time so I’m going to wait until 5:00 a.m. when it’s safe. I ate two apples. They were good. I get to take my funny vitamins again soon and I’m looking forward to that. I’m getting a little sleepy so maybe I’ll just say, “Not now ghosts,” and go downstairs and put the laundry in the dryer so I can go to sleep. I went on the elliptical too, did I tell you about that? I have lost five pounds so far, my diet is going good. My feet still haven’t peeled from the foot masks and I don’t know why. Everyone else’s peels! I think I did it wrong. I was putting so much moisturizer on after and then like three days later found out you’re not supposed to do that.
I’m thinking about doing “Panda’s IGTV Thanksgiving 24-hour Marathon” again because that was a lot of fun last year. Here’s one tiny part of it:
Friday, 4:56 a.m.: I put the stuff in the dryer and now I’m going to go to sleep but I have to wake up before 8:00 a.m. to get the clothes because that’s when people need to use it again. Goodnight! Love, Panda!
Meghan Jenkins is an actor, comedian, radio personality, artist, author, musician, model.
Meghan is a brand ambassador for Pineapple Clothing. Use the code “MegJen” for a 20% discount!
Meghan’s brand new internet comedy show, “Mark Aldrich and Panda,” debuted in August 2021:
The Adventures of Pizza Alien, a novel of interlocking short stories by Meghan Jenkins, is out now and is available through Lulu.com and the online book retailers Amazon and Barnes & Noble. The Adventures of Pizza Alien is available for $18.
Panda’s Dance Party, Meghan’s first music album, was released in December 2020. It is available to purchase, download, and stream on every music platform: Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes Store, Amazon Music, deezer, Tidal, Pandora, Juno Download.
A social media influencer, in the spring of 2020 her photos of life in quarantine led to an invitation from Maxim magazine to participate in a cover model contest for which readers could submit votes. Her grassroots campaign against professional models brought her to a third-place finish.
Meghan is the founder and host of the live comedy improv show The The Ding Wrong Show, recorded on Zoom and seen on YouTube:
In 2018-’19, she was one of the feature performers in the longest running improv comedy show at The World Famous Comedy Store in Hollywood, California, The Ding Dong Show.
Follow Meghan on Instagram!
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.