By Panda

[Editor’s Note: With Season One of the Mark Aldrich and Panda sketch comedy show underway, Panda noticed that she now has fans online who want to know more about her, so she has decided to write and publish a blog about her life. By the way, if you have not started to watch, episodes one through six (with extras!) of Mark Aldrich and Panda are available on YouTube, and each episode is about ten minutes long and hilarious, if I say so myself. And now, here’s Panda with week three of Panda’s Blog.—Mark]

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Panda’s Blog for MONDAY
Monday, October 25, 8:46 a.m.: I remembered to blog! It’s supposed to rain today, and I can’t wait. I just put all these flower seeds in the yard and now they’re really gonna bloom. I am watching Leave It to Beaver. I don’t know what we are doing today. I’m going to go make tea. I have tea and apples and grapes. Oh! And I found out my album is coming out in November. I forgot the day again tho’, but it’s November. Not this weekend. “Panda’s Dance Party, Volume 3!!” This one was fun to do because it has pianos in it. It sounds cool.

Monday, 9:14 a.m.: I’m learning how to ride a bicycle. I love it. I’m really good. My bike has a basket. Also, it’s “Seafoam Green.”

Me and my basket and my bike. Photo by Meghan Jenkins.

Cooper. Photo by Panda.
Monday, 2:15 p.m.: Cooper went on a walk while I was in the backyard and he came home with a hurt foot. I don’t know what happened, but I’m laying next to him and he’s snoring a little bit. I’m trying to be very quiet so he can sleep good maybe he’ll feel better when he wakes up.

Monday, 2:22 p.m.: It’s raining!

Monday, 3:03 p.m.: Cooper’s foot is better! I just cleaned his ears for him cause he likes that and now he feels really good. I made myself an oatmeal, chia seed, vegan, Keto pancake on the George Foreman grill. Here’s a picture of it and I put honey and butter on top:

Panda’s Pancake. Photo by Meghan Jenkins.

I shaped it like a heart 💝! I’m going to see if there is a movie on to watch while I eat this, and then I’m going to work out. Love, Panda.

Monday, 5:36 p.m.: I just woke up from a nap.

Monday, 5:59 p.m.: I’m eating some grapes and putting water in the bathtub. It rained while I was asleep. I don’t remember right now what my dreams were but I guess they were good. I slept good!! I’m not going to get in the bath now; I just like having water in the tub.

Monday, 6:04 p.m.: Somebody farted.

Monday, 6:50 p.m.: I’m in the workout room right now. There is a trampoline, a pink bubble I don’t know what it’s for, the elliptical, jump rope and weights, and mirrors and music. I’m going to workout, and I have to put the phone down. Xoxo, Panda.

Monday, 8:10 p.m.: I’m going to get in the bath now. I have to add more hot water. It’s ok! I’m used to this! After my bath, I have to go to bed and my battery is low, so I don’t know if I’ll blog anymore tonight but I’ll see you tomorrow Diary! Xoxo Love, Panda.

P.S.: Goodnight!!!!

* * * *
TUESDAY
7:04ampm: I just woke up! It’s cold. I’m excited right now, but I’m going to be cautious because the last time I woke up in a really good mood I had a hard day.

I’m going to pace myself. First, I’m gonna have a bath and roll around on the ground a little bit. I would make toast for breakfast but I don’t have that I have a squeeze pouch. I am having a regular one now, and for later I have put one in the freezer to try because someone told me that might be good.

Monday, 8:14 a.m.: I just helped Meghan refurbish a stool. It belonged to her grandparents. It has nice clean new material on the material part now. Meghan said I can’t post a picture because she doesn’t want people to judge her craftsmanship. It looks really good tho’, and it’s dark material again like it used to be she said. Meghan’s mom had put red and white checkered cloth on it, but now it’s brown again with horses. She said the original was brown with flowers but she couldn’t find that material so this is brown suede with horses and stuff. It looks classy. I got to help by using the sticky roller and make sure it’s all clean and I also helped hold material down. I did a good job. No one got hurt.

Monday, 8:34 a.m.: Meghan just saw on the MyTrue10 website there’s a discount code and she’s worried now that she has a discount code to give out that she didn’t know about or see because she doesn’t ever get on her laptop and check the email and all the other social media … she says, “I’m only ever on Instagram! I didn’t know!” So she’s looking on her laptop now to see if there’s an email with info and she told me to say, “Sorry everyone for forgetting a promo code that may or may not exist! But it’s already such a low price anyway I didn’t even think to look cause it’s such a good deal” MyTrue10 is the website you can get those gummies from. I’m not allowed to eat them because I’m too young but I have my own gummies now so it’s ok I don’t care as much anymore. I like Perez Hilton, who started the MyTrue10 company. He’s so funny. Sometimes he’s funnier than Meghan … I just said that out loud and Meghan said it’s ok that I think that.

Monday, 8:52 a.m.: I’m eating my gummy vitamins. GTFO and strawberry hair skin nails are still my favorites. I like the stress ones too because they’re like CBD without CBD and I’m allowed this. OLLY and Nature’s Bounty. I’m going to wear my new socks today I think finally.

Monday, 9:20 a.m.: I just found out Cooper is going to the vet tomorrow, and I asked if I could go too, and they said yes! So tomorrow I get to blog from the vet. I’m excited. It’s my first time going.

TUESDAY, 9:44am : I accidentally have been writing Monday instead of Tuesday. I don’t know why! I am so sleepy tho’, I am going to take a nap I think I’m just tired.

Tuesday (I checked) 11:21 a.m.: I got permission to post photos of the stool.

This is the stool we refurbished. Photo by Meghan Jenkins.

^^ Can you see the horses? Plus it’s soft.

Tuesday, 12:31 p.m.: Nap time 💤!

Tuesday, 4:24 p.m.: Just woke up from my nap.

Mon-TUESDAY!!! 5:45 p.m.: I just mowed and watered the backyard and got all the leaves up. I picked out my workout outfit: it’s a black sweatshirt with gold on it and black lace spandex shorts and long dark socks that go over my knees. And shoes. I am going to have a bath and a burrito after I work out. It will be delicious! It’s a cheese one, but it’s Amy’s Kitchen brand healthy, so I am allowed this cheese. I’m also doing laundry at the same time right now (towels and Cooper’s bandanas) because I am productive.

Tuesday, 5:50 p.m.: I’m eating the burrito now. And THEN I’ll go work out. I need energy.

Tuesday 7:53pm: I finished my workout and my laundry and now I’m going to bed. I love sleeping because I like dreams. Also I’m only allowed to watch Perez Hilton videos when I’m working out now Meghan says, because I will just lay around and watch them all day on the floor if she would let me so now I can only watch and listen when I’m doing workouts. I don’t like doing workouts, but I love Perez so it makes me confused. Goodnight!!! Xoxo love, Panda.

* * * *
WEDNESDAY’s Blog by Panda
Wednesday, 8:07 a.m.: Good morning! I made myself chamomile tea, and I am trying to convince Mark to become an influencer like me. I think he would make really good advice videos for people. I have seen some other old people making advice videos, and I think Mark knows more than they do. I’m excited today because Mark is on the radio again and we are going to have another listening party. I want to build a fort and listen inside of it. I also get to go to the vet with Cooper today and I can’t wait. I’m going to finish my tea now before it gets cold.

Wednesday, 11:51 a.m.: We are in the vet parking lot.

Cooper doesn’t wanna go inside. I CAN’T go inside. I’m looking thru the windows right now tho’, and I can see a huge scale and a TV, and I want to get on the huge scale soooo bad. I only cried a little bit when they said I can’t go inside with Cooper.

Wednesday, 11:58 a.m.: One of the ladies inside brought me a treat. It’s disgusting.

Wednesday, 12:30 p.m.: It’s nap time I’m sleepy where is Cooper. Hurry up Cooper! The vet isn’t as fun as I thought it was gonna be. And they have gross snacks.

Wednesday, 12:55 p.m.: Yay! We are back home. Cooper came out with a cone on. He hated it, so I took it off for him, it was so easy!! I filled up his water bowls, and it’s nap time now!! I can only sleep for a little bit because Mark’s show starts at 4:30. Xoxo Love, Panda

Wednesday, 3:15 p.m.: I’m awake!!! I posted online about Mark’s show:

… and now I’m going to go get my oatmeal and peppermint tea and apples and get ready to listen in an hour.

Wednesday, 4:23 p.m.: I just did my workout. I was getting antsy for the radio show and bothering Meghan and she said, “Why don’t you go on the elliptical for 20 minutes?” and I said, “How about 10 minutes?” and she said, “If you do all 20 now you can sit with me while I do voiceovers later.” And I said, “Ok,” and now I am excited for the show to start. I feel accomplished.

Wednesday, 5:46 p.m.: I thought Mark and his friends were making fun of me on the radio, but Meghan said “Panda. They aren’t.” But I’m still not sure. It was a good show tho’, I guess, even tho’ Mark didn’t talk a lot on this one. Sometimes he talks way more and I like that better. I helped Meghan do her voiceovers, it only took like three minutes. I thought it was going to be much longer. I got to hold the microphone tho’, and I had to be very quiet. I couldn’t move or anything. I did a good job. It was for my show, so I liked it. I modeled merch. I’m a model. A super model. I’m going to go jump on the trampoline because that’s what models do. And it’s really fun. Do models get to eat cheese? I want to be a model who is allowed to eat cheese. I’m gonna do it.

Wednesday 6:00 p.m.: I am making a cheese burrito instead of trampoline. I remembered they were there when I started bouncing.

Wednesday, 6:15 p.m.: Ok, I don’t think anything else is going to go on tonight I am just going to eat my burrito and then bounce and go to bed. Xxoxoxo Love, Panda!

* * * *
My THURSDAY by Panda
5:23 a.m.: Shhhhh. (No exclamation points.) I have been up for two hours now! I’m the only one awake. I’m trying to be so quiet, but I keep accidentally making noise. I took my gummy vitamins, and I didn’t mean to but I dropped the biggest bottle on the tile floor, and it made a loud noise. I can’t make tea like normal yet because the machine is too loud, so I just took a cup and teabags and ran the bath water really hot to make tea. It worked tho’, it was good. Then I took a bath, then the gummies, and now I’m just waiting for the sun to come up so I can make noise. I might go back to sleep tho’. I’m filming my show tonight. I’ll start thinking about an outfit now. I didn’t memorize the script yet but it’s easy so I will. I just look at the pages and remember and then I take a nap, and then I film. It’s so much fun! I’ll talk to you in a little bit Blog. I love you. Xoxo, Panda

Thursday, 7:57 a.m.: I’m awake. I had a nightmare. I couldn’t get back home. I was lost and my friends weren’t my friends and I couldn’t get home and it was about to get dark and no one cared. I’m so glad I woke up in my own bed. I gave Cooper his pill he has to take from the vet. He won’t take it from anyone else but me. He’s feeling better I can tell. It’s great. He’s going to help me memorize lines today. Meghan is going to go back to the vet for something she forgot, and Cooper is gonna stay here with me cause we both don’t like the vet now. He will pretend to be Mark and I’ll be Panda. I have ten hours to learn my lines. I can do it I’m not worried. It’s not long.

Thursday, 9:57 a.m.: I think I got my lines memorized. I’m going to take a nap now. I want cheese soooooo bad, but Meghan says I have to lose a couple more pounds first and then we can slowly reintroduce cheese to my diet. She said I got too “out of control” and was eating it too much. I want it all of the time. I have no regrets.

Thursday 4:21pm: I am awake. I just finished mowing the lawn and watering it and I planted more flower seeds. I am also ready to film my show. I have my dress picked out. I put two different kinds of soups in the crockpot bowls: one soup is split pea and the other is kale quinoa and something red I forget what but the soup is red. I’m going to eat them after I do my show.

Thursday, 7:36 p.m.: Yay! We did it! I did such a good job. So did Mark. We had to film it three times because I couldn’t stop wiggling. I had so much fun.

I’m going to take a bath now and eat my soup in the bath and then workout and then bedtime. Goodnight !! Xoxo love, Panda.

* * * *
Panda’s Blog FRIYAY
Friday, 10:46 a.m.: FRIYAY! I have been up since 7:26 but I forgot to blog because I was doing things. I gave Cooper his pill and then Meghan and I put on puffy sleeve shirts and went for a ride in the jeep. I LOVE that. You put puffy sleeves on and then hold your arms out a little bit when the jeep moves and the wind makes them poof up and it’s so fun and feels so good. And everyone that is driving next to us is like, “Ooooo look at them! They are so cool! I am so lucky to be driving on the same street as these two.” So we spread joy. And when good songs come on the radio I turn it up louder so everyone can hear. It’s the best. Right now I forgot what I came in here to do maybe it was just blog. If it’s anything else, tho’ I’ll remember. I don’t right now tho’. I probably just realized, “Oh! I haven’t blogged yet!” And that panic still hasn’t subsided, even tho’ I’m doing it right now. I’ll be ok. It goes away when I realize what’s causing it. See? I’m ok now. I’m going to drink the rest of my water bottle now and then find something to do. Maybe I’ll workout.

Friday, 1:15 p.m.: I keep forgetting to blog today. Because it feels like Saturday to me. I don’t know why. I did some things but I forget what … oh I put soup in the crockpot again and I had a lollipop.

I didn’t workout yet. I think I did other things too, but I don’t remember. I’m having a good day tho’. Very relaxing and it’s sunny out. I should get my bikini body to the beach. But I need a ride. And Meghan is asleep. Maybe I’ll take a nap too. I don’t know if anything is happening tonight or not. Xoxo, Panda

It’s Friday, 3:31 p.m.: I wrote a Halloween poem and had it sent to Mark to publish in MeghaZine. Because I’m a professional writer now. I’m published.

[Editor’s Note: Yes, and here is Panda’s Halloween poem, “Pumpkin in a Pumpkin Patch.”]

I couldn’t find my special pen I like to use tho’, and I thought maybe Meghan was sleeping on it so I tried to quietly look under her but she woke up and said, “What are you doing?” and I said, “Shhh it’s ok I’m looking for my pen I can’t find it,” and then she got up and helped me look for it. I found it finally. It was under my sweatshirt in the other room. So I did that and then I got dirt that I ordered it came in the mail so I put that on the ground and watered. Then I ate some soup. Now I’m blogging again. Hello! It’s warm out. I’m going to nap now for reals.

Friday, 5:22 p.m.: I’m bored. Meghan says there’s no reason for anyone to ever be bored, but I’m bored. I want to go on a live appearance again, but I’m not allowed tonight. Because I went on secretly the other day. I am supposed to ask permission. There are a lot of things to do like I could paint a picture or exercise or clean or make Tik Tok videos.

Maybe that’s what I’ll do tonight. I’m going to try to think of ideas for Tik Tok videos. I don’t want to do the same thing everyone else does. That’s stupid. I’m going to go think now so blog time is over. I will see you on Monday, Diary, I love you! Goodnight, sleep tight, love Panda xoxo!

____________________________________________
Meghan Jenkins is an actor, comedian, radio personality, artist, author, musician, model.

Meghan is a brand ambassador for Pineapple Clothing. Use the code “MegJen” for a 20% discount!

Meghan’s brand new internet comedy show, “Mark Aldrich and Panda,” debuted in August 2021:

The Adventures of Pizza Alien, a novel of interlocking short stories by Meghan Jenkins, is out now and is available through Lulu.com and the online book retailers Amazon and Barnes & Noble. The Adventures of Pizza Alien is available for $18.

Panda’s Dance Party, Meghan’s first music album, was released in December 2020. It is available to purchase, download, and stream on every music platform: Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes Store, Amazon Music, deezer, Tidal, Pandora, Juno Download.

Panda’s Dance Party, Vol. 2 is available from these fine music services: Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes Store, Amazon Music, deezer, Tidal, Pandora, Juno Download.

A social media influencer, in the spring of 2020 her photos of life in quarantine led to an invitation from Maxim magazine to participate in a cover model contest for which readers could submit votes. Her grassroots campaign against professional models brought her to a third-place finish.

Meghan is the founder and host of the live comedy improv show The The Ding Wrong Show, recorded on Zoom and seen on YouTube:

In 2018-’19, she was one of the feature performers in the longest running improv comedy show at The World Famous Comedy Store in Hollywood, California, The Ding Dong Show.

From 2017 to 2018, she was the host of her self-titled podcast, The Meghan Jenkins Show, which is available on iHeart Radio, Apple Podcasts, and Soundcloud:

____________________________________________
Follow Meghan on Instagram!

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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