By Panda

[Editor’s Note: With Season One of the Mark Aldrich and Panda sketch comedy show now available, Panda noticed that she now has fans online who want to know more about her, so she has decided to write and publish a blog about her life. By the way, if you have not started to watch, episodes one through six (with extras!) of Mark Aldrich and Panda are available on YouTube, and each episode is about ten minutes long and hilarious, if I say so myself, as Panda’s co-star. And now, here’s Panda with week seven of Panda’s Blog.—Mark]

* * * *
MONDAY
Monday, 5:28 p.m.: I just woke up. I had a hard night last night. I didn’t feel like blogging. I don’t really feel like talking about it right now. Someone called me a “trash panda” and someone else tried to perform an exorcism on me. I don’t know why. I was having fun, I thought everyone was having fun! People put on these live shows, and then they act like, oh don’t come in and comment and have a good time. Why aren’t people allowed to have fun? Everyone has to be the same. I’m not the same. So I deleted my TikTok, and then Mark and Meghan talked to me and calmed me down. I put my TikTok back up this morning, too. I’ll talk more about this later but right now I’m going to take a bath and blow dry myself. I always feel good after that. Meghan made me waffles. I am taking my gummy vitamins right now. xoxox Love, Panda.

* * * *
TUESDAY by Panda
Tuesday, Tuesday 8:25am: I’m awake. Everyone tried to cheer me up last night, it was so nice. I don’t know why I’m having a hard time feeling happy today. I should be in a very good mood. Except for the fact that it seems like only Meghan and Mark and Aldramark like me and now I’m wondering if they’re just being nice to me to be polite or if they really do love me like they say they do. I want to believe them. I don’t want to be in the way.

9:10 a.m. I forget what da … oh yeah, TUESDAY: Meghan gave me a bath, it was so nice, there was a loofah and she said I can use anything and as much of anything as I want and if I wanted to make the bubbles go over the bath all over the floor that that is ok too. I didn’t take advantage tho’. I am still so worried that I’m being annoying I don’t want to do anything that will make more work for someone else. I feel good right now, Meghan loofah’d me and sang me songs and Aldramark wore a shower cap.

Aldramark, a portrait by Panda.

Meghan said I can have cheese today but I don’t think I want any, I finally just stopped thinking about it. I’ll think about it, though, it is nice to have the option.

Tuesday, 10:54 a.m.: I’m feeling a little better right now. Meghan put headphones on my ears and told me to push play on the CD player. It’s Amy Grant from 1991. This is good. I am not dancing, but that’s only because I’m still a little bit sad about all the mean things everyone has said and done. It’s not their fault, they just don’t understand me. I can be strong. Like Amy Grant is saying now, “Sometimes we make it harder than it is. We’ll take a perfect night and fill it up with words we don’t mean.” I don’t know what she means really, but I like it and I think it makes sense for this situation. There’s also a really good song about a girl who’s … wait, here are the lyrics. I just copy and pasted so I don’t have to write it all. It’s called, “Ask Me”:

I see her as a little girl hiding in her room
She takes another bath and she sprays her momma’s perfume
To try to wipe away the scent he left behind
But it haunts her mind.

You see she’s his little rag, nothing more than just a waif
And he’s mopping up his need, she is tired and afraid
Maybe she’ll find a way through these awful years to disappear.

Ask me if I think there’s a God up in the heaven
Where did He go in the middle of her shame?
Ask me if I think there’s a God up in the heavens
I see no mercy and no one down here’s naming names
Nobody’s naming names.

Now she’s looking in the mirror at a lovely woman face
No more frightened little girl, like she’s gone without a trace
Still she leaves the light burning in the hall
It’s hard to sleep at all.
Still she crawls up in her bed acting quiet as a mouse
Deep inside she’s listening for a creaking in the house
But no one’s left to harm her, she’s finally safe and sound
There’s a peace she’s found.

Ask her how she knows there’s a God up in the heaven
Where did He go in the middle of her shame?
Ask her how she knows there’s a God up in the heavens
She said His mercy is bringing her life again.
Ask me how I know there’s a God up in the heaven
(How do you know?)
Where did He go in the middle of her shame
(Where did He go?)
Ask me how I know there’s a God up in the heavens
(How do you know?)

She said his mercy is bringing her life again
She’s coming to life again.
He’s in the middle of her pain
In the middle of her shame
Mercy brings life
He’s in the middle
Mercy in the middle.
So ask me how I know
Ask me how I know, yeah
Ask me how I know there’s a God up in the heaven
(How do you know?)
Ask me how I know there’s a God up in the heavens
(How do you know?)
Yeah, ask me how I know
(How do you know?)
Ask me
Ask me
Ask me how I know
(How do you know?)
There’s a God up in the heavens
Ask me how I know there’s a God up in the heavens.

Tuesday, 11:11 a.m.: Make a wish … ✨

Tuesday, 11:28 a.m.: Ok, Amy Grant is talking about a Jesus now, like “anything good that happens in life is from Jesus.” I asked Meghan about this. She said, “Panda anything good that happens in life is from YOU. We all have to work to create our own luck. She is was very religious, Jesus is a person in the Bible, you can read that if you want; But the songs don’t have to be taken literally. The main message of ‘Keep going, you are strong, you can do this, things are what you make of them’ is universal … .” I’m going to put the blog down so I can wave my arms back and forth over my head.

Tuesday, 11:48a m.: I just got some horrible news. Scoutmaster Goldie passed away. I’m not sure of any details except that she definitely still has her head attached to her body. So it wasn’t decapitation. I am so sad though, I loved her we had so much fun together at Camp Panda. She was a phenomenal leader and I’m going to miss her so much.

Camp Panda is having a donation drive fundraiser to help funeral costs for the family. You can find more information on YouTube just Google “Camp Panda Troop 2021,” has a link to donate to NAMI as well in the bio. Let’s all take a moment of silence to salute Scoutmaster Goldie. The very best there was and will ever be at Camp Panda. I love you, Scoutmaster Goldie. So much.

Xoxo Love, Panda.

Tuesday, 2:30 p.m.: I’m going to take a nap.

Tuesday 6:15pm: I just woke up. Meghan put up wallpaper in one of the rooms and set up the winter backdrop.

It was thrilling to wake up to. Something new to look at and be excited about. I’m still a little groggy. I am just gonna relax and maybe have a hot chocolate Meghan asked if I wanted one just now. Mark’s birthday cake arrived today, we picked one to send that sprays butterflies in the birthday person’s face. He liked it. 🎉 xoxo Panda!

Mark took a photo of some of the butterflies from his cake! Exclusive for my blog! Photo by Mark Aldrich.

P.S. I’ll see you tomorrow (Wednesday)!

* * * *
Monday WAIT. WEDNESDAY. Sorry!!
Wednesday 9:36 a.m.: Today is off to a great start. I already thought it was Monday so there’s that. I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. There’s a lot of energy in this house. There’s a lot going on downstairs, and it’s stressful.

There are fun things to get excited about tho’, like Mark’s radio show Magnificent Glass Pelican being on this evening at 4:30 Los Angeles time / 7:30 New York time.

I deleted BIGO Live. And this is a GREAT story I’m about to tell because 1) it’s funny and 2) a lot of people still think Perez Hilton is this nasty mean person and he’s not AT ALL. I have proof. Also, 3) I didn’t set out to “get proof that Perez was cool,” because I already knew that. So this is accidental proof that Perez is amazing: APPARENTLY the reason everyone was saying “Hello!” to me so much was because I was driving Perez nuts. I didn’t realize that I really was an influential Instagrammer for real, and I was just having so much fun everyday all day for like three months all over Perez’s gossip blog posts. I was getting the biggest endorphin rush, it was amazing. I didn’t realize how long he had been trying to tell me to settle down until he put a squirrel on camera at me and goes “look at that squirrel! It’s on a verrry thin branch.” And then Perez yells, “GET THAT NUT!!” And I was like “oh no!!” And then laughed. I had heard the squirrel thing before and I felt sooooo bad and logged off immediately. 🙏🐼

I wanted to send Perez an apology note explaining that I just got stuck in an endorphin loop and I am so so sorry I didn’t mean to be a pain in the butt. Then I thought don’t do that tho’, he’s gonna see your name again on screen and he’ll throw the computer out the window. I am definitely going to make another apology video tho’. Because looking back, I can see all the other times and hints and now I’m laughing but I don’t know if Perez is laughing about this yet, so I’m just going to laugh a little bit out of respect because Perez Hilton is 💯💯💯.

I don’t know where Aldramark is right now. I think maybe meditating in the other room … but there are stones and rocks in my bathtub now that Aldramark put in. They said it would help balance me. I’m going to go sit in a stone bath and get my rock on. And then put socks on. My feet have been cold lately. It’s been a little bit chillier. I don’t know how to end this post here right because I’m not balanced yet. I’m sorry. Xoxo Panda 🐼
🤸‍♀️.

Wednesday, 2:54 p.m.: It’s almost time for Mark’s show, so I’m going to make sure I have all my things together because Meghan is gonna take me on a ride and we’ll listen to it in the car.

L.A. traffic.
Wednesday, 7:21 p.m.: I was just in traffic for three hours!! Meghan was driving, I just sat in the seat and went uuuuuuggghggh come ON. To the cars. It didn’t do anything. But on the way we listened to the radio show Mark is on, Magnificent Glass Pelican. I liked it a lot! Mark talked and said good things, and I learned what the word “muck” means. I took a picture of the traffic and then it came out blurry and I cried so Meghan said “give me the phone” when we were at a red light and she took one.

And! When we finally got to where we were going (it was just supposed to take not long at all), it was dark but I still got a picture. Mrs. Sugar!! She ran up to me to say hello and was meowing we were both so happy to see each other. I got some nice photos of her.

Mrs. Sugar! Photo by Panda.

I’m about to eat something now, it’s very fancy and was made for me special. This tastes incredible. It’s gluten-free bagel and everything!!! I’m going to eat this and then probably fall asleep in the car on the way home. Xoxo I’ll talk to you tomorrow …

* * * *
PANDA’S THURSDAY by Me, Panda
Thursday, 7:36 a.m.: Happy Birthday, Mark Aldrich!!!!!!!!! 🎈🐼🎁🎉 What a good opportunity for me to talk about Mark for a minute. Hello Diary, meet Mark. Mark is tall. Mark wears glasses. And Mark is a crucial component in the NotPanda! Productions family. He is one of the main components! It’s just Meghan and then Mark. And me. I’m the most important. We tried to pay Mark for his services and he said, “No no. I enjoy this. You keep your money Panda and invest it! Invest it into something good. Like a swing set!” I’m just kidding, he didn’t say any of that.

I do want a swing set, tho’, and I thought if I told Meghan that Mark said to get me one that she would. She takes his thoughts very seriously, and he has changed her mind on a couple of things before. Meghan told me no swing set because we have to put the set together ourselves, that it doesn’t come the way it looks on playgrounds. She doesn’t know if we’d be able to do it, but then I said, “Well, let’s just have a bonfire then and invite all our friends over and we can use the pieces as firewood.” She said, “I wish I could think of a reason that would be a bad idea except everyone in the neighborhood is in fire or police … we would be safe …,” and I said, “Well then let’s do it!” So she said, “Panda, no we can’t. I’m not going to buy a swing set just so we can light it on fire.” And I crossed my arms and went, “Fine,” and walked away. I wasn’t really mad, I’ve just seen people do that in movies and it’s cute. Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARK!!!!!!! You are very special to all of us. Thank you for always writing back to me and talking to me when I have a problem with someone being mean to me, and for not being judgey on me if I make a mistake. You teach me things, and have great stories, and only the people who really know you will know what a big deal this is and the thank yous we all have for you. We are so happy to have encountered you a while ago and have so much fun working with you on Mark Aldrich and Panda (available on YouTube).

Thursday, 11:11 a.m.: Make a wish again ✨ that’s a good sign. I’ve been seeing 11:11 a lot lately. Other things you can make wishes on: eyelashes, pennies, yourself, llamas, and anyone wearing X-Men t-shirts.

Thursday, 4:13 p.m.: I helped clean out the garage and we are putting up wallpaper. It looks awesome like the inside of the house is a present. I have to stay off of all social medias because I love interacting with people way too much and I’m not supposed to do that. Apparently I am as noticeable as @SlimJim who also loves to have a good time in the comment sections. I wonder if Slim Jim is gluten free, and maybe they’ll want to be my friend. I’m not allowed to try tho’, Meghan said no. And other celebrities who know how celebrities are supposed to behave type people said no. So I watered the lawn and cleaned out the garage until the trash cans were full and then wallpapered and oh! I worked out on the elliptical. I am now 112 lbs. and feeling healthier and my feet don’t hurt anymore. I still have to tone up but that’s easy I have water and vitamins and healthy food and “just keep moving. You just gotta keep moving.” I heard that last night and it applies to everything. Oh! and I gave Cooper a bath today. And I ate a protein waffle. The end. Xoxo, Panda.

Thursday, 6:45 p.m.: It’s not the end. I’m back. I took a bath and organized stuff in a drawer and read from a book called My Body. It’s fine. I’m not going to review it. Mark said no. I’m going to start listening to people who know better than me about the things I want to do. Only if they have done it before me tho’, and better. Because why would I listen to someone who hasn’t been able to do what I want to do. And then they get mad at me for not taking their advice. That doesn’t make sense. I don’t walk into their deli and say, “That’s the wrong ham.” No. I don’t. I say. “Wow that’s amazing! Can I have some of your ham please?”

Thursday, 8:09 p.m.: I got some radio shows to fall asleep too. Baby Snooks, The Bickersons, Jack Benny, W.C. Fields, Our Miss Brooks, Fibber McGee and Molly, Dimenson X, Suspense, the Burns and Allen Show. I have more but I’m tired of typing so I’m going to listen to these as I fall asleep. I have a face mask on. I think that this is a soothing way to fall asleep. Goodnight!!!!

* * * *
FRIDAY!!
Friday, 9:02 a.m.: I’ve been up since like 6:00 a.m. I’ve done laundry, and now we are putting up the Christmas tree and decorations. The wallpaper looks like wrapping, and there was a great spot for the tree so I get to help put ornaments on.

There’s a trick, most people don’t know about it I don’t think … maybe they do. But if you just hang the ornaments on the branch with the hook and walk away, the ornaments are liable to fall off. However, if you do an extra-easy small step, the ornaments stay on the branches. Just twist that little metal hook part a little more around the branch. Squeeze it, make it another grip wrap-around. It’s easy because they are bendy and soft. You’re welcome.

I’m going to put the sheets and blankets back on my bed now and then go workout.

My no-social-media-commenting life is going well. I am still very confused by who considers themselves celebrities, and I think maybe that’s part of the problem. It’s not me always so much, because the ones who are mean to me are the ones who no one knows who they are except for their own friends. And they’re all, “I’m a celebrity,” so maybe there is a delusion already that I can’t even fight against to be friends with them. Like if you’re sending out invites and “Come to my show!” notes, who are you to turn away anyone from wanting to watch, especially when you only have two people watching besides me. If you invite me to a party, I’m gonna maybe show up. So that’s not my problem. Maybe it’s breaking the delusions that is upsetting to people, tho’. That’s ok. I still don’t know what I am actually doing really wrong. There is like, ok, look. When I was doing my IGTV shows, any and all were welcome. The more the merrier. But everyone seems to think I’m going to do something mean or that I have no idea. I just only know a couple of people well that I can talk to, and I can’t talk to them all the time about everything because then I wouldn’t even have them. Aren’t you supposed to be social, go out, make connections, and get to know each other? Apparently not. I’m sorry I tried to ever be friends with anyone who didn’t deserve it. You all keep coming to talk to me after I said ok I won’t talk to anyone. Then why is your crew talking to me on their own like they enjoy my company? Or they were sent just to get info about Meghan and steal from me. I hope you’ve had a good time about it. We sure have. Xoxo Panda!

P.S. LOL you all are not funny. Mark is funny. People don’t pay attention to things at all. Everyone is all, “Blah blah blah wham in your face loud! Fast fast everything the same!” Not over here at NotPanda! Productions. We know what’s funny. And we like interactions with people. And we care about what the audience thinks, more than what someone else who doesn’t want to see anyone but themselves succeed probably thinks. That’s just good advice for anyone reading this. Follow your gut. Don’t let other people tell you what to say, think, or do. You were born, whether you wanted to be or not. You were given the mind you were given for a reason. You were given the ability to communicate, and now we have the abilities to communicate even bigger than before. Share yourself. Show yourself. Be yourself. Yourself doesn’t have to AT ALL line up with what society, your mom, dad, “friends,” even real friends, best friends think. You are still you. Don’t water yourself down. Be the best version of yourself.

Follow your dreams. Just try. Who cares besides you? No one. Everyone always has opinions, it doesn’t matter at all. It’s fun to have opinions and it’s neat to take a general consensus of them all. But it still doesn’t matter. It’s your life. Don’t let another person’s desires for your own life affect you. That is just them saying out loud things about themself. Empathy. Real empathy. Like look: I know what it feels like to be the person who has no one really to talk to. So I am always commenting nice things because sometimes that might be the only nice thing that a person heard all day. Or week. Or month. Or in two years. So when people come to your shows and watch you, you’re not there to “be a celebrity,” you’re there for the people who came to see you. You talk to the lonely ones. You make them feel welcome and enjoy life even if just for a moment. And then they come back. And so sorry if they get excited, right? But that endorphin release is maybe all they have. Understand that. Empathy. I know what it’s like on both and all sides of this. And that’s why I’m here. That’s why we should be here. What’s the point. Let go of ego.

Perez Hilton is very good at this, BTW. He handled me gracefully. Me not seeing hints was due to I’m used to yelling yelling mean mean when people don’t like me and I’ll be like ok bye, but when people are nice and smiling it gets very confusing because my body feels calm and it’s like ok this is safe. Kindness and niceness are two different things. Perez is kind. He’s a real celebrity with real empathy and knows all about all of this. There’s a such a difference in real celebrities and people who just call themselves that. Empathy. Love. Xoxo, Panda

Friday, 9:56 a.m.: I’m going to get in the bath and listen to a Brené Brown book on tape. Meghan told me to. She said, “Panda, don’t be sad. You don’t even think the comedians who are mean to you are funny.” And she’s right. If they DID like me and thought I was great, I would probably be like, “Oh no … whyyyyyy.” So that’s good. It’s a compliment. Even if they don’t mean for it to be.

Friday, 7:26 p.m.: I have had a long day of thinking. I’ve decided I still think all this is funny even tho’ no one thinks I should. Meghan doesn’t mind, she thinks it’s good I find it funny, and she is laughing about all of it too. Everyone misunderstanding me. is it ok that I still feel sad sometimes even tho’ I think it’s funny? Life is confusing.

Here is our Christmas tree for Christmas of 2021. I wish there was more than one Christmas every year, but there was Mark’s birthday and Meghan’s is soon, too, and birthdays are like that, but I didn’t put up a tree for Mark’s birthday.

See how the ornaments are on there solid? That’s my life-hack working. Photo by Meghan Jenkins.

And we put out offerings for Santa, which is like how we sent a cake and presents across the country to Mark. So Mark and Santa, we think about you a lot here.

Photo by Meghan Jenkins and Panda.

____________________________________________
Meghan Jenkins is an actor, comedian, radio personality, artist, author, musician, model.

Meghan is a brand ambassador for Pineapple Clothing. Use the code “MegJen” for a 20% discount!

Meghan’s brand new internet comedy show, “Mark Aldrich and Panda,” debuted in August 2021:

The Adventures of Pizza Alien, a novel of interlocking short stories by Meghan Jenkins, is out now and is available through Lulu.com and the online book retailers Amazon and Barnes & Noble. The Adventures of Pizza Alien is available for $18.

Panda’s Dance Party, Meghan’s first music album, was released in December 2020. It is available to purchase, download, and stream on every music platform: Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes Store, Amazon Music, deezer, Tidal, Pandora, Juno Download.

Panda’s Dance Party, Vol. 2 is available from these fine music services: Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes Store, Amazon Music, deezer, Tidal, Pandora, Juno Download.

A social media influencer, in the spring of 2020 her photos of life in quarantine led to an invitation from Maxim magazine to participate in a cover model contest for which readers could submit votes. Her grassroots campaign against professional models brought her to a third-place finish.

Meghan is the founder and host of the live comedy improv show The The Ding Wrong Show, recorded on Zoom and seen on YouTube:

In 2018-’19, she was one of the feature performers in the longest running improv comedy show at The World Famous Comedy Store in Hollywood, California, The Ding Dong Show.

From 2017 to 2018, she was the host of her self-titled podcast, The Meghan Jenkins Show, which is available on iHeart Radio, Apple Podcasts, and Soundcloud:

____________________________________________
Follow Meghan on Instagram!

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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