By Panda

[Editor’s Note: With Season One of the Mark Aldrich and Panda sketch comedy show now available, Panda decided that she wanted to talk with her fans online who want to know more about her, so she started to write and have us publish a blog about her life. By the way, if you have not started to watch, episodes one through six (with extras!) of Mark Aldrich and Panda are available on YouTube, and each episode is about ten minutes long and hilarious, if I say so myself, as Panda’s co-star. And now, here’s Panda with week nine of Panda’s Blog.—Mark]

* * * *
MONDAY (But really this is about Sunday)
Monday, 4:00 a.m.: !!!!!!!!!

Hello. I have a bunch of things to say, and I don’t even know where to begin. This last week I had written Mark and Meghan and Aldramark a goodbye letter of sorts … . I was thinking of ending it all. I had been having the worst time making friends and I kept crying.

Meghan caught me and held me and said, “Panda Panda oh Panda,” and I was crying so much and just couldn’t stop.

I didn’t even know how to explain why I just didn’t want to be here anymore. So she said, “Hang on, Panda, I got you.” The we got in the car, and now we are both supposed to be asleep.

We are at a special place that is for artists and celebrities, and “When you don’t feel good you can come here,” Meghan said. I don’t know why this works but I do feel better. The ghosts are nice here & I can talk to them and they know all the old radio shows that I listen too because they were in them. I am not alone at all here and I got to have a movie played for me and food comes to me (fajitas! spinach!) and I think now I’m realizing it wasn’t me who wanted to die but maybe the energy is different and people like me more over here.

They seem to really understand me and I see why Meghan is friends with this place and knows about this. Oh!!!! And!!! It’s right next to Mrs. Sugar!!! So: double bonus. I realized there was maybe a ghost at Meghan’s home that was telling me things that I wasn’t supposed to be hearing, and it was trying to mess with me.

And that’s why Meghan was trying to get me out of the house to come here this last weekend because she knows about that ghost. She knows all about everything I think maybe.

So I feel much better now, and I’m going to keep blogging and doing my show with Mark, and I’m not going to end it all. I am happy again. And I also have a goody bag I got with stuff in it, so that I am gonna be prepared for next time I get really upset and confused. Yay!!! Ok! Everyone go watch Mark Aldrich and Panda and STAY TUNED FOR MORE UPCOMING EPISODES!!!!!! FOR REAL!!!!! And!!! MORE BLOGGING!!! All of it. I have to be strong. I am strong. I am Panda. I am happy right now.

I can’t sleep. One of the people here is snoring next to me. That’s not why I can’t sleep, I just wanted to blog about how happy I am. I am not allowed to get into bed with the person who is snoring I have to stay in my own bed. They have rules, but fun ones like ones that make sense and help everyone get better. Not rules that don’t make any sense and are used for control. Life lessons rules. Like: “Don’t bring Mrs. Sugar inside,” and “Stay off of ___’s right knee because it had surgery,” and “There is only one fork we all share and that’s ok because we all love each other,” and “I’m just kidding there are multiple forks.” I’m going to go back home with Meghan later today, but I’m not worried because I know that if this place here I am at now is good enough for Groucho Marx and Fanny Brice and probably Jack Benny and maybe Elvis and HOPEFULLY I’ll see Ditto Kiddo here one day or Mae West and Gene Wilder and Natalie Wood before she got on the boat, and I dunno who knows all who else has been here, but it is amazing and magical and they have all the right equipment to be like, “Keep going,” and “Don’t kill yourself, Panda,” and they explain why with not even words sometimes because they just know. Maybe they’re psychic. I don’t know how it works, but it does.

Monday, 11:34 a.m.: I am back home, and Cooper was so excited to see me!! He could tell I hadn’t been feeling well, and I think he can tell now I feel much better. I’m going to take him on a walk, and then Meghan said we can all go to the pet store because we have to get dog treats; his jar is almost empty. We both love snacks. Me and Cooper. I’m going to put on my pink sparkly tights today after I do my workout, and I’m not supposed to get too involved with social media except for posting about things I’m doing mainly and I have to stop trying to make friends with people I don’t know in-person anymore because it isn’t always the best thing for my mental health. Pandas are different from people and that’s ok. I learned that this weekend.

Monday, 2:56 p.m.: I forgot that I have a pictures of Christmas decorations in Hollywood! Just one part of one of the streets, there is a big parade that they do, Meghan said. She said that they close down parts of Sunset Blvd. and La Brea and they have a parade.

Hollywood Christmas. Photo by Panda (Meghan was driving).

There was a Christmas tree lot here, too, that I saw, and I wanted to get a tree, but Meghan said, “We already have one remember? Also I can’t drive down the 405 with a Christmas tree on top of a Cadillac. I don’t know if that’s a smart idea.” She said there are tree lots here we can go to if I really want. I do really want. Meghan said, “Ok, we will go this week.”

Our Christmas tree lot. Photo by Panda (Meghan was driving).

Monday, 6:00 p.m.: I still feel good. I am going to have asparagus and tuna for dinner and apples for dessert. And tea! I’m going to go to bed after … I am also going to put my phone away now just because I want to be careful so I will talk to you tomorrow for sure Diary.

Xoxox Love, Panda

* * * *
Panda’s Blog TUESDAY (but this is about yesterday, MONDAY)
Tuesday, 9:12 a.m.: I was so busy yesterday! I helped Meghan put fertilizer out in the yard and I got to do the watering too. I found out the reason the Panda’s Dance Party 3 album was delayed … It was because Meghan said she forgot to submit something that she thought was optional, but it was not optional. So that was her fault. She submitted what she had to, and then apologized and she did “extreme apologizing” for me because she knows I’ve been having a hard time lately and that album being released late didn’t help my mood.

But I’m not upset with her about it, it’s not that important. Being happy is important. But I love “Extreme Apologies,” I must say …

So Meghan slid across the floor in the hallway to me and sprayed her face with a water bottle to make a lot of tears and fake cried, “I’M SO SORRY!! PANDA!!” and then she jumped onto the table and threw her arms up in the air, “I APOLOGIZE!” and then she got a piece of cardboard and did a breakdance spin move and said, “PANDA! I AM HUMBLED AT YOUR FEET!” It was the best apology, and we laughed and then I did extreme apology moves all around the house, too, because it’s fun.

Also!! I found out KALX 90.7FM Berkeley radio LOVES the Panda’s Dance Party albums. They play songs from them on their station. I told Meghan, and she ran around the house going, “I made it to Berkeley! I didn’t even have to do math!! Whooo hoo! Told you, suckers!! Whooopie!!”

We listened to both of the first albums after. (The first two are Volume 1 and Volume 2. This is just three. You can control your own volume yourself.) But this one, 3, coming out is so good, and a couple of the songs have already been teased a little: You can hear them in some of the Mark Aldrich and Panda show ads, like this one:

Talk to you soon again about yesterday, Diary. Love, Panda

Tuesday, 2:20 p.m.: Yesterday at this time I was making miso soup. There’s tofu in it. Delicious. I was allowed to order food to be delivered and I put cheese in my order. I’m still feeling much better than I had been and I was feeling good yesterday (Monday / today in Tuesday’s blog) as well. My cheese is coming soon. I got Colby, the kind that’s yellow and white mixed. When you hold a slice of it in your hand it kinda breaks off around the diff color parts like the cheeses are only stuck together by machine force but the delicate oils of the hand are enough to free the cheese the way it wants to be freed: In my mouth. I should’ve gotten M&M’s. But I can’t have all of the junk food, I still have to fit into my dresses ’cause we don’t have a lot of money to keep buying me clothes. I am pretty much full-grown so I can diet and it’s ok. I’m going to be two in April. Last year I was too young to go on a diet. I still have things that were given to me that I haven’t worn yet and I really want to wear all of everything. I forgot I was talking about yesterday, Diary, I am sorry I got sidetracked.

I took a couple photos this week:

I like our stuff. All of it. Photo by Panda.

And …

Meghan paonted this painting. I like it and I think Mark does, too. [Editors Note: Mark likes it very much.] Photo by Panda.

What else did I do. I didn’t take a nap, oh!!!! but I did just now remember a dream I had on Sunday night. Only parts of it. But I was in a very fancy hotel kinda thing, but people lived there, it wasn’t a regular hotel, and I was doing all this stuff, like, to try to be helpful and fix things and stuff and then people were just brushing by me. Then I stopped by accident to grab a suitcase and the door was open and someone and their family and friends walked by and I was just standing, resting and relaxing for a quick second in front of the open door, and the man that walked by with the group saw me and looked me in the eyes and put money inside my pocket. Then I woke up.

Tuesday, 6:14 p.m. (but remember this is still about yesterday, Monday): I was chilly a lot yesterday, so I took like, I think four maybe five baths. Meghan said I still can use all of anything that I want in her bathroom, so I found this neat body wash that smells good and there were these bath bombs that fizz and make the water change color and smelled like flowers. I got to eat in the bath; I had oranges, and oh!!! I learned on Sunday that I had been eating too many oranges at one time. So I only eat three at a time now at most. Not the entire bag in one sitting like I had been. I have been drinking a lot of water. I peed my pants a tiny bit one time but it was fine I had black shorts on and no one could tell. I told people, though, anyway. I don’t know why. Meghan asked me why and I said, “Meh, I don’t know, who cares.” She laughed and said, “THAT is a great answer, Panda.” I said, “Thank you.”

Tuesday, 7:30 p.m.: I worked out on the elliptical and did other workout stuff I think around 7:00 last night.

Tuesday, 7:33 p.m.: I went to bed early last night, like around this time now, 7:30 p.m. I don’t know what happened after that because I was asleep. I’ll be back again tomorrow with today’s update! Goodnight! Love, Panda xo 🐼

* * * *
Panda’s Blog for WEDNESDAY (TUESDAY)

Waffles! Photo by Panda.
Wednesday 11:01 a.m. / (8:00 a.m. Tuesday): Hi! It’s me, Panda Panda. Good morning. How are you? I am good again. I made a beautiful waffle on Tuesday, at 8:00 a.m. yesterday, here it is:

Wednesday, 12:23 p.m. (Tuesday, 9:00 a.m.): I think this was about the time I put water in the bathtub and I put rocks in the tub like Meghan does. Meghan had checked online last night for Panda’s Dance Party 3, but it wasn’t out yet so we went to bed, and I think this is when we checked online again yesterday. It might have happened before the waffle but I guess it doesn’t matter. Both events are equally as important in the blog. Oh yeah!! I remember now. After I got sad for a second yesterday I worked out, because if you cry when you workout and go “Waaa!” anyone around you just thinks you’re doing good exercise. Meghan taught me that one day when I first learned how to exercise. I saw her doing it and I copied her and we were both crying and doing squats together but I didn’t know she was crying for real. She said she wasn’t sad anymore after that, so now we pretend to fake cry when we workout together when we do it at the same time. We do it really dramatic, it’s so fun.

My workout plan. Photo by I don’t remember who took this one, me or Meghan.

Wednesday 3:33 p.m. (Tuesday, noonish): I wanted to see if Panda’s Dance Party 3 is out yet. At this point I was just ready to hear a “No,” because that’s all I’ve been hearing. “No no no no.” Every. Time.

And guess what. It was still a No. The company said they needed proof of purchase of something, and Meghan goes, “What? How do I get that? I barely figured out how to work the program by myself! I can’t find out how to show that I bought this thing they want proof for!?” She didn’t say it like that, but that was the main point of what she did say, and then she put the song “Domino” by Van Morrison on and started dancing and singing into my red pen. So we had a dance party while waiting for Dance Party 3. Also before I had said that, this one is just “3,” but I guess the company didn’t like that because I found out yesterday (Tuesday) that it says “Volume 3” … so boring. Whatever I guess. PANDA’S DANCE PARTY 3! I told Meghan, let’s just leak it online now, and say who cares, but she said. “Panda, I make money from these.”

Wednesday, 5:05 p.m. (but this is about Tuesday, remember?): I planted yellow rose seeds out front. I thought rose plants were coming, but they were just seeds, so we will see if I can do it. I think I can. I got to talk to the other neighbors out front, the ones I like. They are nice to me and ask me about my garden and how I am doing, and they can tell I have a hard time sometimes, but they don’t make me feel uncomfortable about it. Meghan told me not to say their names in here, but one of the names has one syllable and the other name has two syllables.

The album still wasn’t out Tuesday. Frustrating. Meghan even got frustrated, because she knew it’s her fault that she didn’t understand something about what they were asking and they are in the United Kingdom. I, Panda, am in America right now in 2021. Tomorrow is December 2nd, yesterday was November 30th. Tuesday. This is the end of “Panda’s Wednesday’s Tuesday Blog,” because after all this happened I just ate dinner, went on the elliptical, and went to bed.

Love, Panda

* * * *
Panda’s Thursday (Yesterday, Wednesday)
Thursday, 6:00 a.m.: I woke up really early yesterday, at like 4:00 in the morning. I was cold. So I go out of bed and put hot water in the bathtub. I didn’t get into it tho’, I just sat next to it because it was making the air warmer. Then I watched Law and Order: SVU for a while. For maybe six hours. I also did stuff while it was on tho’, like, I ate mashed potatoes and washed dishes and replanted two potted plants.

Mark’s radio show usually is on on Wednesday’s but it wasn’t yesterday or last week because MGP is on a break. So I can’t hear what they’re saying about me for a while. They will be back on air on … February 2, 2022. I don’t know. Mark knows. And then it became nighttime. Xoxo 💋 Panda

Wednesday night: Hello! How are you. Thank you for asking. Wednesday night I didn’t really do anything. Just the usual. The end. I’ll talk to you tomorrow!!! (Friday)

* * * *
Friday Blog about THURSDAY and FRIDAY
I had a hard day and wrote a long rant, but then I felt better at night and am deciding not to post that. Because “know better, do better.” Xoxo Panda

P.S. I will see you on Monday. It’s all gonna be ok.

____________________________________________
Meghan Jenkins is an actor, comedian, radio personality, artist, author, musician, model.

Meghan is a brand ambassador for Pineapple Clothing. Use the code “MegJen” for a 20% discount!

Meghan’s brand new internet comedy show, “Mark Aldrich and Panda,” debuted in August 2021:

The Adventures of Pizza Alien, a novel of interlocking short stories by Meghan Jenkins, is out now and is available through Lulu.com and the online book retailers Amazon and Barnes & Noble. The Adventures of Pizza Alien is available for $18.

Panda’s Dance Party, Meghan’s first music album, was released in December 2020. It is available to purchase, download, and stream on every music platform: Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes Store, Amazon Music, deezer, Tidal, Pandora, Juno Download.

Panda’s Dance Party, Vol. 2 is available from these fine music services: Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes Store, Amazon Music, deezer, Tidal, Pandora, Juno Download.

A social media influencer, in the spring of 2020 her photos of life in quarantine led to an invitation from Maxim magazine to participate in a cover model contest for which readers could submit votes. Her grassroots campaign against professional models brought her to a third-place finish.

Meghan is the founder and host of the live comedy improv show The The Ding Wrong Show, recorded on Zoom and seen on YouTube:

In 2018-’19, she was one of the feature performers in the longest running improv comedy show at The World Famous Comedy Store in Hollywood, California, The Ding Dong Show.

From 2017 to 2018, she was the host of her self-titled podcast, The Meghan Jenkins Show, which is available on iHeart Radio, Apple Podcasts, and Soundcloud:

____________________________________________
Follow Meghan on Instagram!

Creative Commons License
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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