By Panda Panda

[Editor’s Note: Scenes for the third season of the Mark Aldrich and Panda sketch comedy show are now being filmed! See below:

Panda would like to speak with her fans online who want to know more about her. Thus she has decided to write and publish a blog about her life. The full first season of Mark Aldrich and Panda is available on YouTube, and each episode is about ten minutes long and hilarious, if I, Mark Aldrich, say so myself.

And now, here’s Panda with Panda’s Blog.—Mark]

* * * *
MONDAY
Monday, 7:42 a.m.: Hello blog! Oh man, am I on top of things today. I’m already blogging and remembered about it.

I am watching Sister Act, and Meghan came in and said, “No one ever asks Whoopi to sing anymore. She starred in two musical box office hits where she played a singer and no one EVER asks her to sing. Like on The View, why didn’t they have her sing them a new intro song? Maybe Barbara Walters said, ‘Whoopi, no singing anymore please.’ I don’t know WHY she would say that. Maybe she didn’t, and it was a personal choice of Whoopi’s, but I really want her to sing again now. Panda what are you writing? Are you taking notes on me? If you’re putting what I said into your blog, tell Mark to @Whoopi and ask her to sing again.”

And then I said, “Whoopi reads this blog.” And Meghan said, “What? You don’t even know who you’re talking about,” and I said, “Yes, I do,” and she said, “Which one is Whoopi on the screen,” and I pointed to the one in the front singing, and I was RIGHT.

I really wasn’t sure. But she won’t know that till my blog comes out and reads this.

SO we are watching Sister Act together, and I have on my long-sleeve mint-green Panda tee that you can get at our bonfire.com/store/the-the-ding-wrong-show store. my hand hurts I have to write more later oh wait I can do this with just one hand okay cool that’s why no big letters at the start of sentences for now

so anyway blog i have flower seeds that i’m going to plant today, one pack says, “for the bees” and i like that. they don’t sting me anymore. i only have been stung two times one was on the foot and i cried so hard and the other was on my temple and i don’t know why that one didn’t hurt like the foot one it just felt like pressure but the foot one … i was at the park and playing with the dogs there and i stepped on a bee and i screamed and cried and fell down and the dogs all jumped on top of me and i thought i was going to pass out i couldn’t move i almost threw up but i just sweated a lot and then some lady came over and started asking me oh hi how are you cause she thought i was just playing with the dogs and i cried loud in her face and she went to her husband and they both came over and helped me up off of the ground and got the dogs all off of me. i also bumped my head on the curb when one of the dogs jumped me. that was a hard day. i’m careful now when i’m outside. but the bees like that i water the flowers for them and they seem happy to see me now so i don’t think i’m going to get stung if i plant these flower seeds today.

Monday, 10:23 a.m.: We are still watching Sister Act, it’s been paused a lot that’s why it’s taking so long. I just paused it again because a song came on, “Just a touch of love,” and Meghan started singing, “Everybody everybody,” and then she goes, “Woah that’s the same song as ‘Everybody Everybody,’ is that the same group? Find out in your blog … ask if anyone else knows about this,” so I don’t know if it is the same band or not but I said, “Mark probably knows” and Meghan said, “You’re right text Mark and ask him and I said ‘okay’ but I’m writing it here in my blog instead because Mark is on a retreat so I’m just going to let Meghan think Mark doesn’t want to talk to her cause that’s funny, she’s prob gonna be like, “Did Mark answer yet?” in like 15 minutes and I’ll say “nope” and then three hours later she’ll probably remember again about the song and ask again and “Nope no word to you about your dumb song question but he said that he got ME a souvineeer from his retreat and I’m going to love it he also said his bag was too full to fit anything for you in there. Sorry,” and then I’ll see what she does cause I don’t know. I forget what I was talking about and why I paused the movie but I’m going to push play again and find out I’ll remember why I paused it when I see it again.

Monday, 10:30 a.m.: Haha oh yeah, the song, that’s why I paused it. Meghan just said why did you pause it again and “Did Mark answer yet?” Hahahahaha!!! Today is already fun, and I get to go to the mail box again I think later. I’ll talk to you later I gotta push play so Meghan will stop staring at me. I didn’t answer her yet so she only thinks I’m ignoring her so far. I have to be serious so it’s funnier. Okay no laughing, I love you blog!!!!!! Talk soon !! Xoxoxooxox

[Editor’s Note: “Just a Touch of Love” is by the short-lived but very popular C+C Music Factory. It came off their multi-platinum album from 1990, Gonna Make You Sweat, whose title track offers the memorable line “Everybody dance now.” Sister Act was released in 1992. And below is a photo of the Hudson River from my retreat.—Mark]

Looking south from the east side of the Hudson River, at Linwood near Rhinebeck, NY. Photo by Mark Aldrich exclusive for MeghaZine.

Monday, 2:24 p.m.: Oh my god I forgot I was doing the blog and I also forgot I was watching Sister Act!! I just remembered both, thank god. I got distracted because it’s windy outside today, so I asked to go on a jeep ride and Meghan said, “Yes good idea,” and we put on our Windy Day Clothes (puffy sleeves). I got to go inside a store and I bought some Huntington Beach souvenirs for Mark because he brought me things home from camp. What else … I had an egg, something else I forget, who cares anyway, let’s get back to Sister Act, I’m going to push play.

Monday, 2:28 p.m.: Okay right now what’s happening is the cop is like, “Delores we gotta get you outta here.” And Whoopi says, “No not today! The pope is coming tomorrow, I can’t just ABANDON these women,” and the cop says, “You’re not abandoning them they are women of God they are never alone.”

Or something like that. They talk faster than I can type, okay. I’m gonna watch this I’ll let you know what happens. I just found out there’s a sequel to this Meghan just said! I’m gonna watch that after this and we can watch together.

I’m supposed to shoot some scenes tho’ tonight for opening credits of Mark Aldrich and Panda season 3. I can make time for all of it. I’m a little sleepy I might fall asleep during this Sister Act but there is rewind option so it is ok if I do.

Monday, 4:39 p.m.: I did fall asleep I have to rewind Sister Act a little bit. Okay let’s do this. So we’re at the part where Delores HAS to leave the convent or she will be attacked by her ex-boyfriend who gave her a furry purple jacket that belonged to his wife Connie. So I think his name is Ray finds out where Delores is because there was a rat in the police office.

Monday, 5:00 p.m.: Ok hang on I’m pausing it again so I can get into the bath cause I’m cold and making a waffle so I can finish watching in the tub one second …

Monday, 5:04 p.m.: I have everything read I just got in the tub and it was WAY too hot, I went, “Ah ah ooo ow hot!” And put some cold water in and am updating you right now that I’m ready to hit play again.

Monday, 5:05 p.m.: The water I just got into was hot but it’s not as hot as the water Delores is in!

We have about 20 minutes left in this movie. OMG! The guys who are after Delores find her and put a gun in her back and they grab her and the other sweetie pie nun who sings really good and they get them in a car and Delores goes “get ready” to the sweetie pie nun cause the car had to slow down for a second so Delores pushes her nun friend OUT of the car tumble tumble into the street to safety right into a cops arms, “It’s okay I’m a cop!” he said (that’s how you know you can trust someone) and then the other nuns are around Sister Mother and they go, “We have to help her!! We can’t leave this up to the feds!!” And I started tearing up a little bit at that part, I don’t know why, but I cried a little and went YEAH!!! So alright they are going to Reno. Unpause. It’s 5:17 p.m. now.

Monday, 5:27 p.m.: I’m so sorry I have to rewind it again. There is only 30 seconds left in the movie but I got distracted by a song they were playing and I was shaking my booty and I hear a voice on screen go, “Hey baby,” and I go, “Yeah?” and turn my head like I’m all shy and I hear the TV response was, “How you doing sweetie” but it was the old lady nun voice so I go, “Haha whaaaa?” And have to rewind to see what happened here.

Monday, 5:34 p.m.: Okay this was awesome. I’m glad I rewound. So all the nuns scattered in the Las Vegas casino so Delores could be camouflaged and get away and the bad guys thought they found the right nun but it was the old lady. Now I’m back at the 30 seconds left part and one of the bad guys is pointing a gun at Delores’ head.

Monday, 5:35 p.m.: I paused it again. I misread how much time was left. It’s not 30 seconds. It’s nine minutes and 30 seconds. Ok. Play.

Monday, 5:38 p.m.: I’m sorry I paused it again. I was paying a lot of attention when I thought there was only 30 seconds left but when I found out how much longer it actually was I just left it playing and washed my face with soap and I heard what sounded like a nun shooting off a rocket so hold on I’m rewinding. I apologize. I will pay attention this time. I can do it. I still have some of my waffle left I’ll just eat that and watch the screen and pay attention.

Monday, 5:39 p.m.: Okay, no, it wasn’t a nun with a rocket, it was the cop guy with a regular gun but it sounds way crazier and better if you just close your eyes during that part of the movie.

Monday, 5:45 p.m.: The nuns all get back to the church, they sing a song, the pope came, Delores didn’t have to wear her nun helmet, she got to wear her perfect beautiful hair out and be showcased and they all went, “Lllllllluuuuaaahhh!” at the end cause that’s the note the song they’re singing ends on.

I give this movie a 10/10

[Note from Meghan: Speaking of 10s, My True 10 CBD gummies are now being offered without a subscription! 10 mg of CBD per gummy, water soluble, vegan friendly and gluten free, My True 10 really works, and I’m just 10 minutes too! My True 10 was created and brought to you by Perez Hilton. Available only on www.MyTrue10.com.]

* * * *
It’s TUESDAY
Tuesday, 7:20 a.m.: Oh wow it’s only Tuesday so far? Ok. No problem, I got this. So I def woke up to some good news. Turns out my blog was shared in the UG Comedy stories on Instagram which is, like, a huge deal. UG Comedy was created by Todd Montesi in NY and I think it’s one of the longest running Underground Comedy groups if not the longest one, in New York, the Manhattan area. So I’m pretty stoked today. And now I’m making coffee. I had plant-based yummy salt chips last night in bed while I was watching Maude, and I got crumbs all over, but they’re gone now because I got up early and I cleaned my area. It looks nice there now.

I have my purple Panda sweatshirt on (available through our bonfire.com/store/the-the-ding-wrong-show store) and no socks or tights even tho’ my feet are cold, but I’m going to be in the bathtub soon so it’s okay. I got some stuff to do today I forget what right now tho’ because I’m distracted writing this but I’ll remember as soon as I put the paper down. And then I’ll tell you about it all as I do it or after I do it depending on if I’m able to type or not when whatever it is happening. I think Mark is back from his retreat, I hope so, because I sent him about 200 memes last night. He says he likes it. Communicating with me is the best!!! It’s 7:24 now I can’t believe it took me four minutes to write only just that but maybe because make a lot of spelling errors I have to take my time sometimes.

Tuesday, 8:06 a.m.: I’m watching Maude again. I love this show, and Meghan is here too. It’s the episode where Florida is smoking, and Maude goes TELL ME WHATS WRONG, and Florida tells her she is thinking about quitting, and Maude goes WHY IS IT CAUSE I TALK TOO MUCH and Florida goes, “No I like it when you talk it’s like having the radio on while I’m working!” Hahahaha! So then Florida’s husband shows up, and he’s like I’m here to take Florida home, and Meghan goes, “He can take ME home,” and then he took off his hat and Meghan said, “Okay, hairline aside, Florida’s husband is HOT,” and she just made a noise and has her face real close to the screen with her hand covering the top of his head.

Tuesday, 4:44 p.m.: I just woke up from a nap! I’m ready to start my day now. I’m going to take a bath and then exercise and then I have to for real for real this time I actually do have to work on the film project, Mark said. So that’s what I’m going to be doing for the rest of the night. Just me getting into costumes and outfits and be all “Action” and “CUT!!!” And “Okay, let’s take it from the top,” and “Someone get Aldramark over here ASAP,” and “That’s not going to work for me can we bring in Aldramark please, Panda is refusing to do this scene,” and “YES! Yes! That’s it! There you go, no put out your chin out just a little more, now bend down with just your left leg tho’, and drape yourself back over the railing. Yes there you go.”

Xoxoxo Love, Panda,

* * * *
WEDNESDAY
Wednesday, 8:10 a.m.: Good morning everyone! I have been up since 6:00 a.m. I packed up a box to mail to Mark in New York. I did a good job, I put purple tissue paper in the box. When I got the tissue paper I thought it was going to be pink, I wanted pink tissue paper but this is like a mauve, it’s pretty masculine and goes good with something green that’s in the box so I thought this is perfect for Mark’s box. I was supposed to mail this last week. But it’s okay! Everything is okay. I put some My True 10 in the box, two packs of it, one for Mark and one for his friend who is also there. His friend is Irish! I have a special hello for Mark’s friend:

“May the roads rise to meet you and may the wind always be at your back. I hope the sun shines on your face nice and warm, and the rains fall, but not so much that it floods. And may Mark hold you in the palm of his hand!”—Panda Panda

“Dia dhuit” <– HELLO! 🍀🐼

Wednesday, 2:13 p.m.: It’s 2:13 p.m. and I’m laying on my back relaxing. I finished filming scenes for my silent movie and I sent them to Mark. It’s about Scoutmaster Goldie, the best scout leader ever at Camp Panda. I got a nice new body spray and some scented fur oil so I sleep so good right now. It was just on Meghan’s bathroom counter I didn’t buy it or anything.

Wednesday, 6:51 p.m.: I treated myself today. I relaxed and had some photos done because now I’m a professional director! Congratulations to me! I got some nice photos I’ll put a couple here in my blog, and be sure to watch my feature film debut coming soon. It’s an art film Mark made me make. He’s helping me with it still, and it’s gonna be amazing.

Photo by Meghan Jenkins.
Photo by Meghan Jenkins.
Photo by Meghan Jenkins.
Photo by Meghan Jenkins.
Photo by Meghan Jenkins.

* * * *
THURSDAY
Thursday, 11:19 a.m.: Hello! Don’t worry, I didn’t just wake up, but even if I DID, who cares, it doesn’t matter, you should never judge people by the time they get up. You don’t know their lives. And even if you do, you don’t know what’s going on inside their heads, and a lot of time thinking is WAY more exhausting than doing whatever people who judge people by the time they wake up do.

I’m in a good mood today, I have been helping Mark and Meghan work on some things for season three of Mark Aldrich and Panda: we are doing new title cards … and I am also watching Party of 5. I have never seen this, it’s kinda sad and a little dorky so far, but Meghan said oh man everyone loooooved this show back in the 90s and I said, “Did you?” And she said she wasn’t allowed to watch it. So I put it on for her, but she’s not even paying attention to it.

I found out I get to get a juice card that has money on it every month so all I have to worry about when I go to Juice It Up is I just gotta bring this one card and it’s going to be attached to a loop thing around my neck so I don’t lose it on the way there. I still haven’t mailed the thing I was supposed to mail at Christmas yet, and they still haven’t asked for it. The longer time goes by you’d think that I’d feel like oh good everyone forgot, but I didn’t forget and I think about it everyday and it’s starting to stress me out. I’m just gonna mail it even if they forgot about it and don’t even want it anymore. I don’t care I just have to stop thinking about this every day all day.

I am going to have a nice spa day for myself today because I’ve been doing a lot of good work lately and I have to make sure I still look nice and not look like I have been working very hard. I’m famous and people look up to me and no one will listen to me or take my advice if I look like a dirty scraggly panda. I gotta put Beyoncé on and be like, “I’M PANDA!!” and that’s how you do it.

People and pandas listen to me, you know:

Thursday, 4:20 p.m.: Cooper’s birthday is coming up so we are wrapping presents for him. I got him a stuffed bunny, and Meghan got him a new bowl with his name on it and a fluffy bed. He’s gonna get food stuff too, like cake and things. My job today was to get the presents into a room before he could see them, and I am supposed to wrap them while Meghan distracts him with treats and hugs. I have everything I need: wrapping paper, tape, and bows. Meghan already cut the wrapping paper up for me, so I don’t need to use any scissors.

Also Meghan is working on Panda’s Dance Party 4! I’m supposed to announce that. The exclamation point is like talking into a mic to announce things, I think. The new CD will be out this year and some of the songs will probably be on Mark Aldrich and Panda, like on season one we put some leaked PDP3 songs on there before the album came out. We have exclusive rights. Because we are celebrities. Me, Mark, and Meghan. And we get exclusive things. #StarLife
#Hollywood #NewYork #Famous

Thursday, 4:30 p.m.: Meghan isn’t dating anyone right now, and she’s here all the time. I have to find things to do to entertain her on the weekends. Easter is coming, so I’m going to plan a Bunny Party and I’m going to make her dress up like a bunny and then I’m going to have us hide eggs in random places in the neighborhood so people will be all, “What’s this!?” and inside is a piece of sugar candy. I am thinking I can drop them in the grocery store and at the post office and when I go on a Jeep ride I can just throw them out off the roof cause there isn’t a top and I can throw sugar party eggs and confetti for everyone. I have a bunch of confetti already, but it’s just shredded paper from the shredder. All the shredded important documents can be thrown into the city. It is ok!

Thursday, 5:12 p.m.: It is NOT ok to throw things out of the Jeep. That’s called littering, and it’s not good.

I was just told I HAVE to write that. Meghan is right tho’, like what if it wasn’t just confetti and sugar eggs that I wanted to toss out. What if it was something more serious. I guess I can just do the eggs out front at the post office and grocery store like I planned. I will put the confetti INSIDE the eggs.

* * * *
TODAY IS FRIDAY
Friday, 3:15 a.m.: Surprise! I am awake. I am doing laundry right now. Who’s the Boss is on. I’m the boss of laundry. I make it smell good. It’s one of my chores. My other chores are: mowing the lawn, keeping the garden nice, and feeding Cooper. I was four minutes late feeding him two nights ago, and he got himself his own dinner. There a bucket of food on the ground in case of emergencies, and Cooper thought, “This is an emergency” and got what he wanted. He didn’t eat the whole thing, tho’, he is smart and has good portion control. I myself do NOT have good portion control. That’s why I’m not allowed cheese again right now. Sometimes I’m allowed cheese, but then I’ll eat like packages of it over and over and then Meghan says, “Okay, that’s enough,” and I have to take a break. I also like apples and waffles. I use honey instead of regular syrup. I have a stomachache a little bit right now, I think I had too many waffles maybe. I also got some Easter candy today, and that is probably a contributing factor too. I’m on a sugar rush and don’t feel all that good but I’m being productive and I’ll feel better soon enough and I’ll be so happy that I still did things even tho’ I was feeling lazy and felt like just sleeping. Everyone else is still asleep. I’m trying to be quiet. Xoxox, love, Panda

Friday, 7:45 a.m.: I just mowed the lawn with my fav push mower, Mark has a photo of me with that somewhere and you can see it in my show that I star in, Mark Aldrich and Panda. We filmed an advertising spot and I got to mow in it.

[Editor’s Note: Panda can be seen mowing her lawn in the episode shared after Thursday’s entry, above.—Mark]

Friday, 9:33 a.m.: Mark is going to interview someone for MeghaZine, Meghan met him when she was a judge for a comedy show called UG! Zoom House Party, and Kunal Arora came in second place and Meghan was like OMG Kunal is friggin’ incredible … he’s got “it.” So he has a podcast called Meet Me Outside, which is avail on everything and we are going to listen to that today. She wants to show me Kunal even tho’ I kind of met him a little bit but I didn’t get to talk to him directly I was just dancing when I was on UG! Zoom House Party. Todd let me dance and that was nice of him. I had so much fun Meghan did too she got to play “mean judge,” and she still laughs about it. UG Comedy and I made the pandemic pretty fun for people if I do say so myself. We all had a good time. It’s hard to have a good time when things are going wrong if you don’t know how to do it, but if you DO know how to do it, it’s easy and people should come play with us. Cause we are fun.

Ok, so anyway Mark is going to interview Kunal so it will be reeeeaaaaallllly good because Mark is a professional, and Meghan would joke around too much, but Mark will make it a real interview so everyone can get to know more about Kunal C. Arora.

Friday, 10:05 a.m.: This show, Meet Me Outside, is funny. They are talking about stalking on a little part of this episode and Meghan is laughing hard. Kunal’s cohost, Dennis Rooney, is hilarious. This is great:

Friday, 10:45 a.m.: We are now listening to Netflix Book Club podcast, it’s hosted by Kunal’s co-host Dennis Rooney. Dennis is so funny, and we found out he has this other podcast.

Meghan wrote six books, so she said, “Yes, let’s definitely listen to this. Sounds like it’s gonna be good.” Both Kunal and Dennis are in Brooklyn, New York, near Mark, and I am in Hollywood.

The six titles by Meghan Jenkins. Photo by Mark Aldrich.

Friday, 10:49 a.m.: My waffles are ready. I’m going to take a nap after I eat. Xoxo, love, Panda

Friday, 6:10 p.m.: I did it! I took a nap. It was glorious. I am watching Who’s the Boss again, and I just put all of my socks away. Weekend vibes!! Panda’s Dance Party 4 is gonna be out next month I think. Springtime jams for pandas and people. These albums are great to have on when you’re doing things or if you’re at a party or at a club or if you like to turn the volume down on video games and play other music in the background instead while you’re defeating the bosses, the Panda’s Dance Party albums are perfect for all of that and for other things too.

I’m going to probably just take a bath later and go to bed again the rest of tonight. I also am going to eat dinner. Xoxox, love, Panda

* * * *
Meghan Jenkins is an actor, comedian, radio personality, artist, author, musician, model.

As a model, Meghan has been invited by Maxim and Miss Jetset magazines to compete several times in contests to appear on a future magazine cover. Fans vote for their favorite model.

On December 14, 2021, Safety Date, Meghan Jenkins’ second book, was published. Meghan writes, “This book is dedicated to life, love and romance. This is also a humor book. Don’t take this too seriously. Whatever you have been through, if you are married or single, this book is for you. Safety first.”

The Adventures of Pizza Alien, a novel of interlocking short stories by Meghan Jenkins, is is available through Lulu.com and the online book retailers Amazon and Barnes & Noble. The Adventures of Pizza Alien is available for $18.

Panda’s Dance Party, Vol. 3 is available from these fine music services: Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes Store, Amazon Music, deezer, Tidal, Pandora, Juno Download.

Panda’s Dance Party, Vol. 2 is available here: Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes Store, Amazon Music, deezer, Tidal, Pandora, Juno Download.

Panda’s Dance Party, Meghan’s first album, was released in December 2020. It is available to purchase, download, and stream on every music platform: Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes Store, Amazon Music, deezer, Tidal, Pandora, Juno Download.

Meghan is a brand ambassador for Pineapple Clothing. Use the code “MegJen” for a 20% discount!

Meghan’s new internet comedy show, “Mark Aldrich and Panda,” debuted in August 2021.

You can see each episode of Meghan’s previous internet show here: Camp Panda.

Meghan is the founder and host of the live comedy improv show The The Ding Wrong Show, recorded on Zoom and seen on YouTube.

In 2018-’19, she was one of the feature performers in the longest running improv comedy show at The World Famous Comedy Store in Hollywood, California, The Ding Dong Show.

From 2017 to 2018, she was the host of her self-titled podcast, The Meghan Jenkins Show, which is available on iHeart Radio, Apple Podcasts, and Soundcloud:

____________________________________________
Follow Meghan on Instagram!

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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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