By Panda Panda
[Editor’s Note: Scenes for the third season of the Mark Aldrich and Panda sketch comedy show are now being filmed! See below:
Panda would like to speak with her fans online who want to know more about her. Thus she has decided to write and publish a blog about her life. The full first season of Mark Aldrich and Panda is available on YouTube, and each episode is about ten minutes long and hilarious, if I, Mark Aldrich, say so myself.
And now, here’s Panda with Panda’s Blog.—Mark]
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Monday, 9:30 a.m.: Meghan said I have to go with her to Home Depot because I’m young and cute and she needs some flooring cut and she hasn’t been to Home Depot in a long time and everyone used to do anything for her all the time in public when she was young and cute and she doesn’t know if they’re gonna cut her tile anymore and be happy about it because she’s 40 now. She said she loves being 40 and is going to be 49 for the rest of her life because it’s the best age. It’s all she ever wanted to be. But now she is like, “Oh no, are people going to help me at Home Depot now? I don’t know.” I think they will, but she’s making me go with her anyway just to be sure, and then if they don’t seem happy to see her, I’m there for her if she cries. We also have to get lavender paint and white paint. I have to ride in the cart, Meghan said, because there are going to be too many things I can accidentally touch and get hurt on. Like saws.
12:27 p.m.: I want to be a cheerleader. Because of the outfits. And I reeeeally want pom poms. Meghan said if I can find a cheer camp around here, I can sign up. So that’s what I’m going to be looking into today.
3:24 p.m.: I found a new delicious snack: hard boiled eggs and hummus. THAT is REALLY GOOD. 10/10: Panda recommends. I was told If I don’t stop snacking, I am going to be put on meal replacement shakes for a little bit. I choose the strawberry one and I’m so excited for it to come I hope it tastes good. It’ll probably be sooo good on top of waffles. Strawberry waffles! And there are frozen strawberries in the freezer, I can put them on top of all of it, oh YUM this is going to be incredible.
4:45 p.m.: The cheer camps I found said I couldn’t join because I’m a panda. That is not fair. I’m going to start my own cheer squad. ANYONE can join and we will do cheers anywhere we want anytime, anyplace for anyone who needs cheering up. Pom poms and hugs and high fives. Saying things to people like, “You’re doing a great job!!” and, “I LIKE YOUR JACKET SO MUCH!!” and, “CONGRATULATIONS ON BUYING THAT BLENDER!” That’s if we see someone buying a blender at the grocery store. Actually, this seems like a lot of work and organizing, maybe I’m just going to get the cheer outfit and pom poms and wear them because I want too and I don’t have to do anything about it. I’m already tired just thinking about this, and then what happens if I’M having a hard day and don’t want to cheer someone up cause I can’t even cheer myself up and then I have to give a cheer? It might come off angry, and if they don’t like it, I will just get MORE upset so maybe being a cheerleader isn’t for me. But I will look cute dressed like one. It doesn’t even have to be Halloween. It doesn’t matter cause who cares.
If anyone makes fun of me I’ll just punch them with my pom pom.
Monday, 4:57 p.m.: Meghan told me I have to promise not to punch anyone if she gets me a cheerleader outfit. I am thinking hard now about if I can promise that or not. She said, “Cheerleading is a big responsibility.” Part of me thinks I can handle it because I’m great at getting people excited and motivated, but sometimes I just want to not have to do that. People have to learn how to motivate themselves! Maybe everyone should get pom poms—not just cheerleaders. Like when we have a hard time during the day, just pick up the pom poms, and shake shake shake away the stress and go, “WHOOO!” Pump your arms in the air! What a great cheery day now! It’s snowing in New York now, I wonder if Mark would like some pom poms for the snow days. I’m going to ask him. If I remember about it.
[Editor’s Note: That’s an interesting idea, Panda. Now that it’s spring we have all year to think about it. (Although last year it snowed in upstate New York in April.)—Mark]
6:30 p.m.: I decided that being a cheerleader isn’t for me. BECAUSE I AM ALREADY PANDA! I am unique and me and Meghan said the world needs Panda Panda to be Panda Panda. That’s me! And I’m already it! I still want pom poms though. And the outfit. I can do my own cheers to Panda’s Dance Party volume 4 that’s being released this spring! I’ll see you tomorrow!
Xoxo Love, Panda
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Tuesday, 11:08 p.m.: I FORGOT TO BLOG TODAY!!! ALMOST. I made it just in time. Today I worked on floors. Here is a picture:
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Panda’s Dance Party 4 will be out on March 27, 2022!
Meghan said I had to think of titles with her and help her do the floor again, so that’s all I did today aside from eating a hard-boiled egg with hummus, and I had a good talk with someone who said hello to me, and I wrapped more of Cooper’s presents—his birthday isn’t until the 25th, so I’m prepared because pandas are prepared. Sometimes. Like tonight, I prepared myself to have this blog entry turned into New York before midnight my time, and look I did it, because it’s 9:24 p.m. busters!!! You thought I forgot to do the time part about this, didn’t you. Well surprise surprise. I remembered.
Goodnight and I will see you tomorrow, blog! Xoxo Love, Panda
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[This is Meghan: Panda said she forgot to blog yesterday and said, “It’s fine,” when I asked her about it. When I spoke to Mark (editor-in-chief of MeghaZine) he said, “It’s not fine, Panda needs an entry for Thursday this week. She agreed to do a blog.”
I wasn’t around Panda all day so I can’t give an accurate account of her activities. She was in the bathroom with the door closed singing for three hours and she used all the hot water. She later offered to brush my hair, which I let her do and she kissed my head afterwards, which was very sweet. We went to the grocery store because she used all the shampoo earlier during her bath, and then Panda slipped in some olive oil in the condiment aisle. She didn’t hurt herself, she is completely fine. She WAS startled and proceeded to get into the cart, “For safety,” and threw out all the groceries I had collected to make room for herself. We left with only one thing, the bottle of honey she had clutched tightly in her hands, and she wouldn’t let go even as the cashier scanned the barcode. Once we got home, I made Panda her waffles then she fell asleep. She came into my bedroom about an hour later and said she couldn’t sleep because she is too excited about ART FILM (her first movie) and season 3 of Mark Aldrich and Panda. I then asked her if she had written in her blog yet, and she said, “No, it’s fine, Mark doesn’t care.”
Now, I also know Mark, and I know that Mark is very polite and professional and I can see why Panda would think “Mark doesn’t care” if she misses an entry, because Mark is always very patient and kind to Panda.
Panda, you’re reading this now in MeghaZine. I’m sorry I made an entry in your blog, but I just couldn’t let you leave a day blank. You’re a big sweetie pie and I love you don’t be mad at me please. I am sorry this entry isn’t as good as yours usually are.
Panda, right now you are standing over my shoulder reading this, so I guess you won’t be surprised on Monday when you see your blog posted. I just asked you if you wanted to “Say hello to everyone yesterday,” and you said, “No I have to blog today already this is fine you do it but yes hello to everyone happy Thursday yesterday!”
So there you have it.
Happy Thursday Yesterday!
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TODAY IS FRIDAY
Friday, 9:09 p.m.:
Good evening. Meghan here again. One of the reasons I don’t have kids is because I knew I’d have to help with homework and be told about bake sales the night before and everything else you see parents have to do for their kids on TV family sitcoms. Yet here we are.
Panda didn’t feel like doing her blog again today.
“My back hurts can you rub it?”—Panda
To be fair, she did a lot of work with me today. We installed new flooring in one of the old bedrooms and turned it into a mini living / entertainment room. Panda helped me move a couch and a large chair into the room, and had also helped me quite a bit with the flooring this week. So I gave her a much deserved back massage and am writing her Friday blog for her.
I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend, thank you so much for supporting Panda. She really enjoys doing the Mark Aldrich and Panda show and adores all of her fans. She’s very fortunate to have friends like you.
Panda will be back next week with more blog, THANK YOU to Mark Aldrich for everything you do and all your hard work here at MeghaZine, formatting pages, editing, writing for Mark Aldrich and Panda, editing Mark Aldrich and Panda, responding to every ridiculous and poignant meme with a fascinating patience and demeanor that defines the word “Zen” … .
Panda and I appreciate you, Mark.
Thank you everyone. Goodnight.
[Editor’s Note: Aw. You guys.—Mark]
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Meghan Jenkins is an actor, comedian, radio personality, artist, author, musician, model.
As a model, Meghan has been invited by Maxim and Miss Jetset magazines to compete several times in contests to appear on a future magazine cover. Fans vote for their favorite model.
On December 14, 2021, Safety Date, Meghan Jenkins’ second book, was published. Meghan writes, “This book is dedicated to life, love and romance. This is also a humor book. Don’t take this too seriously. Whatever you have been through, if you are married or single, this book is for you. Safety first.”
The Adventures of Pizza Alien, a novel of interlocking short stories by Meghan Jenkins, is is available through Lulu.com and the online book retailers Amazon and Barnes & Noble. The Adventures of Pizza Alien is available for $18.
Panda’s Dance Party, Meghan’s first album, was released in December 2020. It is available to purchase, download, and stream on every music platform: Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes Store, Amazon Music, deezer, Tidal, Pandora, Juno Download.
Meghan is a brand ambassador for Pineapple Clothing. Use the code “MegJen” for a 20% discount!
Meghan’s new internet comedy show, “Mark Aldrich and Panda,” debuted in August 2021.
You can see each episode of Meghan’s previous internet show here: Camp Panda.
Meghan is the founder and host of the live comedy improv show The The Ding Wrong Show, recorded on Zoom and seen on YouTube.
In 2018-’19, she was one of the feature performers in the longest running improv comedy show at The World Famous Comedy Store in Hollywood, California, The Ding Dong Show.
Follow Meghan on Instagram!
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.