By Panda Panda
[Editor’s Note: Panda would like to speak with her fans online who want to know more about her. Thus she has decided to write and publish a blog about her life. The full first season of Mark Aldrich and Panda is available on YouTube, and each episode is about ten minutes long and hilarious, if I, the Mark Aldrich part of the title, say so myself.
And now, here’s Panda with Panda’s Blog.—Mark]
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Panda’s Dance Party Volume 4 by Meghan Jenkins is out now. Album available everywhere!! Links to all of the streaming services that have Volume 4 along with volumes 1 through 3 are in Meghan’s bio after my blog.
(I love how official that looks.)
Monday/Tuesday, 1:21 a.m.: I slept all day today but I’m awake now and doing laundry and there are new floors in the closet and it looks good. I am washing the dust ruffle on the bed right now and trying to figure out if someone is messing with again me or not. They probably are. I always think people are my friends and then later I sometimes find out they aren’t. And someone got mad at me because I said no thank you to going on a date with them. I’m just not ready to go on a date with them, but I told them I wanted to be their friend and they got mad at me. This isn’t the same person that I’m wondering if they’re messing with me or not tho’. That’s a different person. It’s not Mark. It’s a secret.
Here are the floors in the closet:
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Tuesday, Panda 3:16 (p.m.):
“And the Panda said unto them, ‘Do not be afraid. Because I am Panda. If you are hungry may you snack. If you are sleepy may you nap. And if you are thirsty be a trap. Lo! My panda children! Yea tho’ you walk thru the valley of Bamboo, do not eat shrimp on Fridays.’ And it was good.”
Tuesday, 3:20 p.m.: I just woke up!!!! I was awake all night last night, so I slept in the morning when the sun came up, now I am awake, too! The end. For right now. I get to film something tonight. I think people are trying to pretend like they don’t see me and all the things I do and are just going to try to make me look stupid. Oh well for them huh. Hahahahhaa.
P.S. too paranoid to write today. Maybe later. I’m thinking maybe we SHOULD put my old blog back up cause maybe some people need to read it all again. All of the blogs all of the time all day in your inboxes beep beep beeep beep E-MAIL!!!! It’s PANDA!!
[Editor’s Note: Here are the collected works of Panda (thus far) on MeghaZine: Panda’s Corner.—Mark]
1. I see you all ignoring me. Then slyly trying to steal my essence. Rofl. Good luck idiots.
2. If everyone who voted for Biden caused this war all the people saying that, I didn’t hear ANY one saying, “Oh a vote for Biden will cause ___, ___ and ___.” Just heard general, “Oh you don’t wanna do that” with the shake of a head like you get from a grandma who just blindly follows doctrine: “Don’t be all, ‘Everyone vote!'” All the time, then if “This is what happens,” rock the vote! Okay. Don’t friggin’ yell at me, bitch. I didn’t even vote. You didn’t know either, idiots.
3. The only people that talk to me aside from Mark and Meghan are from a group that seems to be trying to get rid of me. Or like, steal my head or something so they can use it on stage. That’s not going to be an easy fight. They should just stop it.
4. Don’t talk to me if you’re a jerk.
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Wednesday, 5:28 p.m.: I slept in until noon, and then I was outside all day. It’s REALLY nice out there today. So warm. I watered all the plants and flowers and I almost quit when a bee chased me, but I didn’t quit because I just didn’t.
I’m going to eat a burrito and watch Sister Act 2, and Meghan is going to tile the bathroom floor. I didn’t help her when she did the closet, and she messed it up. But the floor I helped her with is perfect. ‘Cause I’m a perfect helper. The tile she’s using doesn’t have stuff that’s gonna show if she messes up tho’ this time, so she said I can relax and just watch Sister Act 2.
The closet floor:
Wednesday, 5:36 p.m.: Okay so the movie starts out in Las Vegas again, which surprises me a little bit since all the hoopla LAST time the nuns were in Vegas, but it’s ok, I like looking at the lights.
Wednesday, 6:48pm: Okay so the nuns teach at a school now and needed Whoopi’s help. So now she’s there and took over the music class, and she just said, “In the morning if you wake up and you can think of nothing BUT writing, then you’re a writer.” I think about my blog all day everyday even when I don’t feel like doing it cause it’s a lot to pay attention too, but I guess since I think about it constantly that means I’m really a writer. This movie is good so far. The school might get closed down but I think I’ve seen this movie before because some things are looking familiar and I don’t think the school is going to get shut down, so don’t worry.
Wednesday, 7:05 p.m.: Oh no … the one girl’s mom just said she couldn’t sing in the choir anymore. She’s not allowed to do it.
Wednesday, 7:14 p.m.: The priests are chasing down Whoopi, but I wasn’t paying attention so I don’t know why. I was just walking around the room looking at things. I’m not going to rewind it tho’ cause I reeeeaaallly think I’ve seen this movie before and I maybe wrote a review on it in one of my Panda Reviews! Like a year or so ago. Maybe. I can’t remember. I kinda want to just watch TV instead, but I said I was gonna watch this movie, and it’s almost over so I’m just going to follow thru and honor my commitments.
Wednesday, 7:24 p.m.: The kids, the nuns, Whoopi, and the priests are now all at the choir competition. The priest said to the nuns, “She’s a Las Vegas showgirl!!” And the nuns were like, “Oh no!” But they were faking it, because they already knew and had ran through the casinos with her escaping the mob. The kids are so nervous to perform.
Wednesday, 7:29 p.m.: The priests are dressed up in hats, and they just locked the school superintendent in a closet. I tried to take a picture of it but the copyright won’t let me show the actual scene, Meghan said, so I drew in the scene under some of the dialogue.
This is the best part so far in this movie. The priests shoved a salami into the door handle so the guy couldn’t get out. I drew the salami too you can see it:
Wednesday, 7:36 p.m.: Oh hey, that one girl is back in the choir again, and her mom just showed up to the show and sat down In the audience.
Wednesday, 7:39 p.m.: Oh wow, they just all came out on stage in their street clothes, and one of them did a flip. This is amazing!
Wednesday, 7:45 p.m.: Hey look at that, they won the grand prize of the choir competition. Big shocker. The girl’s mom who told her to quit was proud of her, everyone was happy, the end. How much longer is this movie, let me check … oh god, 8 minutes and 47 seconds! What else could possibly even happen? I’m tired of watching this.
Wednesday, 7:50 p.m.: Oh haha ok oh yeah I forgot they were gonna close the school but now in the last eight minutes what’s happening is, they’re not going to close the school, the kids just found out she works in Las Vegas as a singer so they ask her, “Is it true? Are you really a Las Vegas showgirl?” And Whoopi says, “I am not now, nor have I ever been, a showgirl. I am a HEADLINER.” Boom. Amazing. Okay now it’s the end. The end of the movie and the end of Wednesday blog for this week. Wednesday blog will be back next week on Wednesday. Be sure to stay tuned for tomorrow’s blog, Thursday. You can see all of the blogs on MeghaZine. Goodnight!
10/10: Sister Act 2.
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Thursday, 8:12 a.m.: I am awake and I am in the bath but just my feet part because I’m sitting on the ledge with just my feet in right now. That’s all I felt like putting in the water. I’ll probably get fully in later, but I’d have to take off my romper if I get all the way in now and I don’t want to take it off.
Thursday, 8:20 a.m.: I am out of the feet bath and I am in Meghan’s room right now. I’m trying to get her to put something on TV for me to watch she said, “Hold on just a minute and I will,” and then she went into the bathroom. Okay she is back now I’m gonna watch TV.
Thursday, 9:31 a.m.: Hi it’s me again just checking in, I am watching I Dream of Jeanie and I want a genie outfit and a ponytail but I can’t have a ponytail. Meghan said if we find a genie outfit she might get it for me. I’m excited.
11:11 a.m., Thursday:
Make a wish !
Thursday, 3:38 p.m.: I was outside in the backyard for a while. I put fertilizer down and mowed the lawn and watered it. And I also put on new flower seeds. There were a lot of bees and wasps out but they didn’t sting me. I was nervous tho’. I ran away from one of them, but I had left the hose in the middle of the lawn so I had to go back, and when I went back the one that chased me was gone. I just had my gummy vitamins and I’m going to take a nap.
Thursday, 6:32 p.m.: I just woke up from my nap. I have the hiccups. They’re so annoying. I yell, “STOP HICCUPING!’ at myself. It’s not working. I’m going to get in the bath. I just got a new body shampoo. The owner of the company is a famous woman Meghan says. I said, “Famous like me?” And Meghan said, “No. Very different.” So I guess that means I’m more famous than Jessica Alba. What a neat thing to discover!
Okay I have to turn my blog in to New York now and go do famous people things.
Like take a bath.
And eat mozzarella sticks.
I will see you tomorrow, everyone! Xoxo Love, Panda
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Friday, 7:59 a.m.: I just got to open the door, and it was exciting. The doorbell rang, and no one answered it, so I was like oooooo yessss, and I went downstairs and unlocked the door and opened it and it was a person! I said hello and they said hello and then I said, “Come in! Everyone is sleeping still.” And the person came inside and started to make coffee, and now they’re still here and won’t leave.
[Meghan’s Note: Panda is referring to my mother’s caregiver. She is allowed to be in the house. Panda, however, is NOT allowed to open the door to strangers. She should have woken me up. I have already had a talk with her about this by the time you are reading the blog. Please excuse my interruption.—Meghan Jenkins]
Friday, 1:51 p.m.: I wish I had some paper to paint on because I feel like painting. I am bored, I don’t know what to do right now. Cooper is having a family birthday party tonight, and I’m invited to that. He’s gonna unwrap all his presents. Meghan said we are waiting until the nanny leaves so that she doesn’t think we are freaks. I said who cares if she thinks whatever she thinks, let’s party! 🎉🎉
I don’t know what I’m going to wear and Cooper is scared of balloons so there aren’t going to be any balloons but that’s okay. I asked if I was getting any presents, and Meghan said, “Aw I’m sorry Panda, but don’t worry, your birthday is coming up very soon. You will get your own presents to unwrap.”
Friday, 6:39 p.m.: Cooper loved all the presents! He’s really good at unwrapping them. He didn’t get any food that I could eat, but he liked the dog snacks and he got some new bandanas and other stuff too. I’m going to go out with makeup on. Meghan just found an eyeshadow thing that has all these pink and purple colors in it. I’ll see you guys again on Monday! I hope you have a good weekend … oh, I also watered the lawn today I forgot. Ok. Bye!
Xoxo Love, Panda
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Meghan Jenkins is an actor, comedian, radio personality, artist, author, musician, model.
As a model, Meghan has been invited by Maxim and Miss Jetset magazines to compete several times in contests to appear on a future magazine cover. Fans vote for their favorite model.
On December 14, 2021, Safety Date, Meghan Jenkins’ second book, was published. Meghan writes, “This book is dedicated to life, love and romance. This is also a humor book. Don’t take this too seriously. Whatever you have been through, if you are married or single, this book is for you. Safety first.”
The Adventures of Pizza Alien, a novel of interlocking short stories by Meghan Jenkins, is is available through Lulu.com and the online book retailers Amazon and Barnes & Noble. The Adventures of Pizza Alien is available for $18.
Panda’s Dance Party, Meghan’s first album, was released in December 2020. It is available to purchase, download, and stream on every music platform: Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes Store, Amazon Music, deezer, Tidal, Pandora, Juno Download.
Meghan is a brand ambassador for Pineapple Clothing. Use the code “MegJen” for a 20% discount!
Meghan’s new internet comedy show, “Mark Aldrich and Panda,” debuted in August 2021.
You can see each episode of Meghan’s previous internet show here: Camp Panda.
Meghan is the founder and host of the live comedy improv show The The Ding Wrong Show, recorded on Zoom and seen on YouTube.
In 2018-’19, she was one of the feature performers in the longest running improv comedy show at The World Famous Comedy Store in Hollywood, California, The Ding Dong Show.
Follow Meghan on Instagram!
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.