Ask Pizza Alien … October 2020

Ask Pizza Alien … October 2020

Dear Pizza Alien,

I just got this really neat shag rug for my bedroom floor to over up a paint spill. But the shag rug needed cleaning, so I got out the vacuum and then the shag got stuck in the suction. Now I have to buy a new vacuum. Which brand do you like to use? Thank you.

Signed, Sarah M., Arkansas

Dear Sarah,

I like Hoover. Also I Googled and it says use low suction setting for shag rug. Good Luck!

Love, Pizza Alien

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Dear Pizza Alien,

I have to get glasses. I don’t want to wear them all the time and I don’t want to have to remember them and keep them clean, it’s just all so much hassle. What would happen if I don’t get them?

Gah, Thank you Pizza ❤ from Gregory
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Ask Pizza Alien … September 2020

Ask Pizza Alien … September 2020

Dear Pizza Alien,

I finally found some friends and have been having a good time hanging out with them at my house when my mom’s not home. (We aren’t doing anything bad.) We listen to music and lift weights and just talk and stuff. But my mom has these two renters at the house and all of my friends and I are under 18. I’m concerned that they are only still staying at the house because they are attracted to my friends that are girls. I haven’t said anything yet, and maybe they’re attracted to my friends that are boys. Either way, I just don’t understand why anyone would want to live with a bunch of underage kids they aren’t related too. I would like, want a calmer space I could bring dates home too. What should I do?

Signed, Jailbait Jimmy

Dear Jimmy,

That sure seems weird. Ummm … I’m not sure what area you are from since your letter didn’t say, but I do think you are okay for wondering about the renters’ motives. Even though it’s pandemic times, if your family is comfortable having people over they should be comfortable enough to check around locally for diff living situation. Maybe, you can trap them: set up traps and tape their reactions to all your friends male and female and keep record of it to show police if necessary. You are so smart for noticing this Jimmy. Good luck!!!

(Appropriate) Hugs.

Love, Pizza Alien

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Dear Pizza Alien,

My damn socks get dirty on the bottom all the time and I hate it. I don’t want to have to wear socks and shoes but I just want to wear socks and keep them clean. I don’t want to put stuff over them like work slip paper booties cause that’s dumb I just want my socks to stay clean and not get hairs in the bottom or crumbs from muffins. I mean WTF I’m not gonna clean my damn floor all the time I have a life.

F.—Daniel

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A Few of My Favorite Things: Sept.

A Few of My Favorite Things: Sept.

By Meghan Jenkins, Photo by Meghan Jenkins, products modeled are hers

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Click for full size.
My endorsements of all these things come straight from me. None of these brands have asked me—yet!—to write about their products, so everything I say here is something I say to my friends because I use or simply enjoy these products and brands. I have a good life partly because of what’s in the photo here, as well as some other products that I will be sharing with you in the future.
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Ask Pizza Alien …

Ask Pizza Alien …

Dear Pizza Alien,

I am worried my Great Dane will fall in the pool when I’m not home, so I would like to teach her to swim. Do you have any tips?

Sincerely, Big Dog Daddy Nick

Hi Daddy! I think you are going to want to get a dog life vest from one of those catalogues. And, maybe leave treats by the pool steps. That way, if she falls in, she will still float and will be able to stay happy until you get back.

Love, Pizza Alien

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Dear Pizza Alien,

I was painting my nails in my mom’s bedroom, and spilled the bottle of red polish on the carpet. She’s definitely going to be mad. What do i do?

Help Please, Slippy
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