Limo Diaries

Limo Diaries

By John Carbone
[John Carbone is a musician/drummer who resides in Long Beach, California, and has worked as a limousine driver to supplement his income.]

MeghaZine is proud to publish John’s “Limo Diaries.”

* * * *
8/27/05
•3:30: Arrived @ guests’. I checked stereo before they entered.
•3:45: They asked how to work the A/C & stereo. I tried several times & was stumped. The stereo was on minutes ago.
•Their friends brought a boombox & took too much time for us to stop @ limo boss’ mechanic’s shop.
•We were on the northbound 405 @ Artesia when the right rear tire blew out.
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A Valentine’s Day Disaster

A Valentine’s Day Disaster

By Mark Aldrich
It was as if every wish I had made in childhood for a hole in the ground to open up and rescue me had been answered in reverse …

* * * *
I bear a scar from the first Valentine’s Day that I had a reason to celebrate as Valentine’s Day, as a part of a couple.

Until the last decade, my romantic history was a long walk alone in an empty field, punctuated by moments in which I interrupted someone else’s walk, attempted to try a relationship, and discovered that I try people’s patience instead. (All the women I have dated are brilliant and accomplished and I was lucky to get to know them; I was stuck at age fifteen for an astonishingly long time, however.)
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A Conversation with Meghan Jenkins

A Conversation with Meghan Jenkins

By Mark Aldrich
Vote for Meghan in the Miss Jetset 2021 cover model contest here!

* * * *
Meghan Jenkins and I started this website with several of her friends last spring, and I felt it was time to talk with Meghan about the challenges and successes of creating and performing in a 2020 that offered a vastly different landscape than any previous year.

We exchanged messages by email, text, Instagram IM, and telepathy. (That last one is made-up.) The multi-platform conversation offered below has been lightly edited for clarity and consistency.

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Oh, Christmas Tree

Oh, Christmas Tree

By Mark Aldrich

How (not) to cut down your own Christmas tree.

* * * *
Tree trimming was my least favorite type of trimming when I was young. I still lack the eye-hand coordination required to decorate a tree correctly; in fact, I believe that almost every tree I have attempted to decorate was quietly fixed upon my departure from the vicinity of the tree.

A beloved girlfriend one Christmas credited me with the expansion of her notions of tree decoration. She said, “You’re the first person I’ve known who does not put all the decorations on the ends of the branches,” which is true, I sometimes place them on the middle or sometimes closer to the trunk; and second: We found that I had overloaded one section of the Christmas tree with the same color ornament (albeit at different depths on the branches!) and this needed to be quietly fixed.

Christmas can be a challenge for someone so rarely festive, like me.

One winter’s day long ago, a dear friend enlisted me in a project to cut down a real live Christmas tree from a local Christmas tree farm so that her son could experience a Christmas just like the one she and I had never, ever, ever, never had.
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Bring Back the ABCs

Bring Back the ABCs

By Mark Aldrich
Oh, sweet honey and the rock, that’s awful, but most of the solutions to the “X Challenge” are awful …

* * * *
About twenty years ago, some friends and I started to exchange by email these twenty-six-word-long alphabetical prose-poems which one of us started to call “abecedarians,” because—as it turns out—this is what writers have always called them.

In Merriam-Webster, an abecedarian (noun) is a novice who has not yet mastered the rudiments, the beginning steps, of something. (Just think: How does one learn the alphabet from scratch?) As an adjective, it means, “of or related to the alphabet.” My friends and I had turned an adjective into a noun: an “abecedarian sequence” is a set of things arranged alphabetically; we were writing abecedarians, twenty-six-word alphabetical paragraphs that sometimes almost meant something. It was our own invention. Or so we thought.

It was not. Many writers taken a turn or two at the abecedarian form. Robert Pinsky, the former poet laureate, wrote an ABC poem that he rather appropriately titled “ABC”:

Any body can die, evidently. Few
Go happily, irradiating joy,

 
Knowledge, love. Many
Need oblivion, painkillers,
Quickest respite.

 
Sweet time unafflicted,
Various world:
X=your zenith.

And he found a terrible solution to the “X Challenge,” which confronts each and every pursuer of the perfect abecedarian. “X=your zenith.” Oh, sweet honey and the rock, that’s awful, but most of the solutions to the “X Challenge” are. See mine, below.
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